errr... update...

i would like to welcome myself back into the writing world.

after a long hiatus and probably lots more after, i'm writing again. well not really writing since writing involves something with sense and thought. this one is rather a spontaneous flow of words, if there is even one...

there goes my first halt, or should i say mental block. well writing now is not as easy as before. life was easier then and more activities come and go. but as we (ahem) age (ahem) less and less of it came. i still long for adventure but i'm no longer diving into anything without a clear purpose. growing (ahem) old (ahem)  probably makes you boring. 30 is a bit old, on the edge; 2 more years and calendar dates no longer bear your age. but as they say, bingo cards go until 75.

wait, wait, i'm no 30 and this entry is not about age.

errr...

this entry is another of those random nothingness without any topic.
total waste of your time so i'd rather cut this short.

i'm still alive!!! that's all.

bye!

(L is too cute not to post, all credits go to the artist! visit his/her page here)

of zippers and typhoons

in countries which experiences pronounced cold and hot season, it is not uncommon for people to wear jackets during the cold ones. i happen to be in one of those countries and as a common man, i wore a jacket, a leather one. it gave me the warmth specially needed in an 11degree weather.

as we were walking to the station, i tried to open up the jacket and to my surprise (or rather to my expectations) the zipper wont budge. it was stuck. i kept on telling this to my coworker who i came with. as i was trying to open it, it only got tighter and closer to my neck. this time i got a little panicky. i know that trains are hot and jam-packed, good ingredients for me to sweat a lot and probably panic some more. while riding the train, i tried to open the damn zipper the whole time. and my coworker beside me was so indifferent (i don't know if she was thinking of something to the point that she wouldn't bother). i asked her to help me. and she did. it opened up a bit enough for me feel a bit better. and i was thankful. but it still wont open all the way she said. and then she returned to her indifferent state. it was frustrating really. somehow, i felt helpless and alone while walking to the office. i continually tried to unzip with my indifferent coworker beside me. so close yet so far, i knew then that i was alone and will suffer alone in this. i stayed stuck for 30mins or so. a simple word of encouragement would have been better but nopes. i couldn't blame her though for it was all my fault why i wore that damn jacket.

while i was in this helpless state, i couldn't help but wonder how the typhoon yolanda (haiyan) victims felt back home in the philippines. i'm not saying that this is even comparable to their sufferings, not at all. the difference is beyond compare. but here is my analogy.

when i got in that trouble, i wasn't expecting any help at first. but somehow it came to a point when the trouble was prolonged and i wished even for simple gestures of people around. that feeling when you are desperate but the people around just don't care or just chose to ignore your suffering is the worst feeling. now imagine the typhoon victims. probably at first, they were trying to stay strong and tried to solve their own misery. but as the days progressed on and the sufferings continued, i think most of them are at the point where even a simple help would mean a lot. of course, a bigger help would be better but at least don't be indifferent. the victims should feel that they are not alone in this trial, that this will come to pass, that we can do this together one way or another. the whole filipino people should at least care and show sympathy. the victims need hope, they need to feel cared for.i knew in the back of my head that for the worst, i could just cut out the zipper and sacrifice the jacket for me to get free. but these victims have no last alternative. how could they possibly get out of this situation with the least damage? it is virtually impossible... makes it even a stronger reason for all of us to extend help in any way we can. these victims will need years to rebuild (and recover) and they will need our support to do so. do not be idle and indifferent, HELP IN ANY WAY YOU CAN!!! i know that all of us will emerge stronger and fitter to face all battles ahead after all of this.

as for my minute battle, i ended up using soap from our office toilet before the zipper opened. my sufferings immediately vanished but a lesson is forever etched in my heart -- i choose to be a citizen of the world who cares for his fellowmen. somehow, people need simple tragedies of their own to learn life lessons. mine just happened to be with a zipper.

LAGging handa

just when i was excited of a new thing, just when i was dreaming of something cool, the dreaded happened. my most precious dreams of acquiring the best weapons failed, my wish of having purple sets vanished.

yesterday was the start of this incident. if i were used to a slow paced life then it would have been ok but im not. i favor a dynamic fast moving life. this has really become a burden. of all the times, why now? of all people, why me? is this a hint for me to quit? im not sure. but if this goes on, i might consider that option.

lag kills.

it is very hard to play an mmorpg when your movement LAGS!!!

i just joined an event and my character just stood there for all to be killed. and i just couldnt fight back because i could not even click their character. when the movement comes back, my character is already dead. nice!!!

how can i play when my screen pauses for every 3 steps my character does?

and why now when there is a special event?

ok.

it must be a sign.

~just couldnt help but rant on something i am passionate with~

fall

yeah, i already promised to myself not to write emo stuff again but i can't help it.
i can't help but wonder what wrong i have done...

hmmm...

well...

i guess this is goodbye...
and this is what i was most afraid of...

us drifting apart.

ow sorry, there was never an us.
that was all in my dreams.

i guess this is me backing off
coz it really hurts.

and i was willing to throw myself into it but i can't jump off when it seems no one is there to catch me or even pick me up...

2 days' worth

so this must be rejection,
this must be misfortune.
for one second i thought it was heaven,
but then it was hell.

i kept it to myself how i felt lost.
but you were there and held me up,
and we talked it through,
and i was ok for a while,
and you seemed nice, too.
and it seemed that we clicked,
and i began to feel again,
and wished to be with you.

i never asked but you came,
and for a second i embraced it all.

but...
it hurts...

i can't have you.
you were different,
you were looking for something else.
so this must be why you said to take it slow,
this must be the real reason.
you were just not that into me.
you were not feeling me at all.
i should have read the signs earlier,
i felt so stupid to trust and feel,
but it is a process.
it hurts...

i tried to reach out,
i really tried to.
i am alone again.
i have no hold over you...
it really hurts how one second you made me feel hope.
i must have looked pitiful.
it must be pity for i can't find any reason at all.
i just can't...

i was back in hell...
but for one second i thought it was heaven.
this is my misfortune,
this is rejection.