wants and wishes

i just stumbled upon this block of letters above that i would like to share with you guys. this actually came from twitter (i'm completely ripping it off @iTweetFacts' tweet ). what amazes me though is how it claims to tell you what you want in life. i mean, seriously? can a random block of letters really tell me what i want? skeptic but i did gave it a try in the end.

LOVE - hmmm. interesting! hmmm yeah! who doesn't want love? duh! but secretly, i was pondering over this for quite some time now. seriously, i'm starting to think about settling down. i want to have my own home where i can return to, my own family who will welcome me and kiss me when i get back from work, my own private harem. oops! all of these except the last, can only be realized with love. so yeah, i wanted it. i'm craving for it in fact.

HAPPINESS - wow! this i can also understand. who doesn't want to be happy? hello?!?!?! with so much negativity around, to be happy seems like a privilege. surprisingly, i have started to block out the negative thoughts recently. in fact, the best advice i got yesterday was for me to block all the people who will only give me wrinkles. so far, i think i have done well. i want to give myself a pat in the back (this is not in the block of letters though, T^T ). reconsider old hobbies, uncover pent up emotions, explore the unexplored facets of me -- these are my plans to happiness.

EXPERIENCE - bwahahahaha. exposed!!! and i was about to call this letter block a hoax. bwahahhaha... yeah i am a virgin in many ways. so... yeah, i want to experience many things in many ways. on second thought, i need to experience them ASAP. this made me laugh, for goodness sake. this block of letters can really tell what you want in life. i can attest to that.


try it and see its power. :D

reality check

for some reason, i need to expand my horizon once again.

i don't want to be stuck with the now yet, no way. now how would i do that?

it's time for some reality check first.

1. hello innocente, you don't always get what you want.

• to whoever told me that i can, you are absolutely wrong. i don't. for if i did, i would have a better hunkier body. i'm not complaining with my chunks now, but i could do more. i am a work in progress. only abnormal people have perfect bodies right away.
• and you know what, i could have been in the arms of someone right now. but boohoo, i am not. so nada. there it goes. puff!

2. hello innocente, do not assume that all people are like you.

• not all are as happy natured as you are. not all are as loyal as you are. not all are of the same wavelength as yours. you just have to accept this fact. you just have to lower your expectations or you will only get disappointed. do not expect much from the people around you. you just can't. remember that not all can take the greatness of who you are. better hold that head high and face the world head on. you bitches are plain bitches. wahahahaha. welcome the best bitch in town. wahahaha.

3. hello innocente, be always prepared.

• you don't know what these people's true motives are. these are all thinking people, not like you. and why do i always end up relying on feelings? use your brain for once. life is too short got to live it long. do not be taken advantage of. there are some things better left unsaid or they will fire back taking some form which will eventually cause some tragedy.

and what spurred this all?

you do not need to know.

district higashigotanda represented.

welcome to the hunger games.

memories of yesterdays

I just saw "the vow" and wow, it struck me in a way. How misserable could life be if suddenly someone forgets about you? How painful could it get if the one you love don't even recognize you anymore? and somehow, this felt not so foreign to me at all. In a way, i have experienced the same. It is not as life changing as car crashes nor amnesia. But still i can relate to some extent.

All of a sudden everything changed. It got bland. It's as if the past got totally erased from his mind. we were so close back then and then suddenly, bam!, goodbye. and it hurts so badly seeing him suddenly change. it pains me that he no longer talks nonsense to me. i don't know what triggered it. i don't know what the catalyst of the change was. but i do know the pain after. and the worst part was that he was totally healthy; no head injuries, no amnesia. totally healthy and even getting fatter each day.

we were not in a relationship. so how much more painful could it be in "the vow"'s case? i just can't imagine and i don't want to have the same fate. but then in the movie, the character tried and succeeded. and became happy again for regaining their past happiness. but for my case, err.... yeah i tried. and we talked about it. he reassured that nothing changed. but yet... deep in me i knew that it was not the same. from then i lost faith... the joy was good while it lasted... it will serve nothing but a memory and a lesson well learned. but don't get me wrong, i am happy now.

this really sucked. for bringing back those memories. for making me write about him again, "the vow" must really be effective. "the vow" was a painful journey but yet it ended happily. who doesn't want a movie to end on a good note? everyone wishes for a happy ending, don't we?

two cases of friendship

the fact that i have no hesitations in telling what i feel towards you means that i believe that the bond we have is strong enough to take it... that no matter what i say, you would take it as an advice... that no matter how different our ideals are, it is for your betterment from my perspective... it is never meant to harm you nor push you away...

but how come this is going nowhere?

of course i didn't expect it to be easy. making you follow my advice is not my goal. all i was asking was for you to rethink. and yes you did think. but how come you are suddenly preaching about friendships? is it too much to ask to be happy for you, you say. but you never told me remember; you didn't ask me to be happy for you. if i didn't blurt out those comments, you wouldn't have told me anything. of course i am happy that you are happy but it would keep me at ease if i knew more details. it would feel better and more genuine if things that might complicate were taken care of first. i don't like this "you and me against the world" scenario. if you really believe that this is it then why keep it a secret? you think there is nothing wrong, i too think there is nothing wrong but please tell those concerned parties. you can keep hating me for not supporting your decision fully. but know that i am still happy for you.

and here is another one...

on the other side of the world, here is another with a blooming heart. keep on dating girl, there is nothing wrong with it. i am happy for your possible first but am sad for myself as well. i can't help but feel a little envious for soon you will be experiencing love. i too want to feel it myself. it aches a little when you reminisce. i want to know more but am afraid to know. and then i smile seeing that shyness while you recall. there is that spark in your eyes. and that makes me happy. i know that envy is wrong but i can drown it in this happiness i feel for you. my story is different than yours and now is your time to be in the spotlight. i don't want to replace you under that (for harsh light can cause damage to your skin. bitter!!! wahahahha...)

gosh!!!