of zippers and typhoons

in countries which experiences pronounced cold and hot season, it is not uncommon for people to wear jackets during the cold ones. i happen to be in one of those countries and as a common man, i wore a jacket, a leather one. it gave me the warmth specially needed in an 11degree weather.

as we were walking to the station, i tried to open up the jacket and to my surprise (or rather to my expectations) the zipper wont budge. it was stuck. i kept on telling this to my coworker who i came with. as i was trying to open it, it only got tighter and closer to my neck. this time i got a little panicky. i know that trains are hot and jam-packed, good ingredients for me to sweat a lot and probably panic some more. while riding the train, i tried to open the damn zipper the whole time. and my coworker beside me was so indifferent (i don't know if she was thinking of something to the point that she wouldn't bother). i asked her to help me. and she did. it opened up a bit enough for me feel a bit better. and i was thankful. but it still wont open all the way she said. and then she returned to her indifferent state. it was frustrating really. somehow, i felt helpless and alone while walking to the office. i continually tried to unzip with my indifferent coworker beside me. so close yet so far, i knew then that i was alone and will suffer alone in this. i stayed stuck for 30mins or so. a simple word of encouragement would have been better but nopes. i couldn't blame her though for it was all my fault why i wore that damn jacket.

while i was in this helpless state, i couldn't help but wonder how the typhoon yolanda (haiyan) victims felt back home in the philippines. i'm not saying that this is even comparable to their sufferings, not at all. the difference is beyond compare. but here is my analogy.

when i got in that trouble, i wasn't expecting any help at first. but somehow it came to a point when the trouble was prolonged and i wished even for simple gestures of people around. that feeling when you are desperate but the people around just don't care or just chose to ignore your suffering is the worst feeling. now imagine the typhoon victims. probably at first, they were trying to stay strong and tried to solve their own misery. but as the days progressed on and the sufferings continued, i think most of them are at the point where even a simple help would mean a lot. of course, a bigger help would be better but at least don't be indifferent. the victims should feel that they are not alone in this trial, that this will come to pass, that we can do this together one way or another. the whole filipino people should at least care and show sympathy. the victims need hope, they need to feel cared for.i knew in the back of my head that for the worst, i could just cut out the zipper and sacrifice the jacket for me to get free. but these victims have no last alternative. how could they possibly get out of this situation with the least damage? it is virtually impossible... makes it even a stronger reason for all of us to extend help in any way we can. these victims will need years to rebuild (and recover) and they will need our support to do so. do not be idle and indifferent, HELP IN ANY WAY YOU CAN!!! i know that all of us will emerge stronger and fitter to face all battles ahead after all of this.

as for my minute battle, i ended up using soap from our office toilet before the zipper opened. my sufferings immediately vanished but a lesson is forever etched in my heart -- i choose to be a citizen of the world who cares for his fellowmen. somehow, people need simple tragedies of their own to learn life lessons. mine just happened to be with a zipper.

wants and wishes

i just stumbled upon this block of letters above that i would like to share with you guys. this actually came from twitter (i'm completely ripping it off @iTweetFacts' tweet ). what amazes me though is how it claims to tell you what you want in life. i mean, seriously? can a random block of letters really tell me what i want? skeptic but i did gave it a try in the end.

LOVE - hmmm. interesting! hmmm yeah! who doesn't want love? duh! but secretly, i was pondering over this for quite some time now. seriously, i'm starting to think about settling down. i want to have my own home where i can return to, my own family who will welcome me and kiss me when i get back from work, my own private harem. oops! all of these except the last, can only be realized with love. so yeah, i wanted it. i'm craving for it in fact.

HAPPINESS - wow! this i can also understand. who doesn't want to be happy? hello?!?!?! with so much negativity around, to be happy seems like a privilege. surprisingly, i have started to block out the negative thoughts recently. in fact, the best advice i got yesterday was for me to block all the people who will only give me wrinkles. so far, i think i have done well. i want to give myself a pat in the back (this is not in the block of letters though, T^T ). reconsider old hobbies, uncover pent up emotions, explore the unexplored facets of me -- these are my plans to happiness.

EXPERIENCE - bwahahahaha. exposed!!! and i was about to call this letter block a hoax. bwahahhaha... yeah i am a virgin in many ways. so... yeah, i want to experience many things in many ways. on second thought, i need to experience them ASAP. this made me laugh, for goodness sake. this block of letters can really tell what you want in life. i can attest to that.


try it and see its power. :D

IT reasons

never mind some of the spelling but i just have to share this to everyone. kudos to the original facebook sharer.

now if you too, are in the IT industry, how many of the reasons above fits you?

reality check

for some reason, i need to expand my horizon once again.

i don't want to be stuck with the now yet, no way. now how would i do that?

it's time for some reality check first.

1. hello innocente, you don't always get what you want.

• to whoever told me that i can, you are absolutely wrong. i don't. for if i did, i would have a better hunkier body. i'm not complaining with my chunks now, but i could do more. i am a work in progress. only abnormal people have perfect bodies right away.
• and you know what, i could have been in the arms of someone right now. but boohoo, i am not. so nada. there it goes. puff!

2. hello innocente, do not assume that all people are like you.

• not all are as happy natured as you are. not all are as loyal as you are. not all are of the same wavelength as yours. you just have to accept this fact. you just have to lower your expectations or you will only get disappointed. do not expect much from the people around you. you just can't. remember that not all can take the greatness of who you are. better hold that head high and face the world head on. you bitches are plain bitches. wahahahaha. welcome the best bitch in town. wahahaha.

3. hello innocente, be always prepared.

• you don't know what these people's true motives are. these are all thinking people, not like you. and why do i always end up relying on feelings? use your brain for once. life is too short got to live it long. do not be taken advantage of. there are some things better left unsaid or they will fire back taking some form which will eventually cause some tragedy.

and what spurred this all?

you do not need to know.

district higashigotanda represented.

welcome to the hunger games.

two cases of friendship

the fact that i have no hesitations in telling what i feel towards you means that i believe that the bond we have is strong enough to take it... that no matter what i say, you would take it as an advice... that no matter how different our ideals are, it is for your betterment from my perspective... it is never meant to harm you nor push you away...

but how come this is going nowhere?

of course i didn't expect it to be easy. making you follow my advice is not my goal. all i was asking was for you to rethink. and yes you did think. but how come you are suddenly preaching about friendships? is it too much to ask to be happy for you, you say. but you never told me remember; you didn't ask me to be happy for you. if i didn't blurt out those comments, you wouldn't have told me anything. of course i am happy that you are happy but it would keep me at ease if i knew more details. it would feel better and more genuine if things that might complicate were taken care of first. i don't like this "you and me against the world" scenario. if you really believe that this is it then why keep it a secret? you think there is nothing wrong, i too think there is nothing wrong but please tell those concerned parties. you can keep hating me for not supporting your decision fully. but know that i am still happy for you.

and here is another one...

on the other side of the world, here is another with a blooming heart. keep on dating girl, there is nothing wrong with it. i am happy for your possible first but am sad for myself as well. i can't help but feel a little envious for soon you will be experiencing love. i too want to feel it myself. it aches a little when you reminisce. i want to know more but am afraid to know. and then i smile seeing that shyness while you recall. there is that spark in your eyes. and that makes me happy. i know that envy is wrong but i can drown it in this happiness i feel for you. my story is different than yours and now is your time to be in the spotlight. i don't want to replace you under that (for harsh light can cause damage to your skin. bitter!!! wahahahha...)

gosh!!!

small quakes 6.9

it was a normal day for normal employees like me. i came to office a little past 8:30. late from my everyday morning dose of nihongo lessons. once again, we breathed in and out. and went on with the class. but just before noon came, something out of the ordinary happened. EARTHQUAKE!!!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5... the building was still shaking. we went out of the room to meet our other colleagues also wondering what on earth is happening. my first instinct told me to find somewhere safe. and i saw the building pillar. i went near it and dragged a colleague with me only to find out that an a/c unit is directly above us. this place is surely not safe. and then the ground stopped shaking.

we quickly ran down the emergency exit. in no time from the 7th floor we reached the bottom only to find out that the door leading outside the building is locked. wow! this is the best feeling of my life. the threads of sanity i strongly held on slowly broke. why on earth is the emergency exit door locked? i didn't panic from the actual quake but a little claustrophobia got into me this time. we immediately alighted 2 floors back up and took another exit.

slowly, people got out of the building and stories of shock filled the air. everyone had a story to tell. and the worst part, phone lines broke. it only came back around 15 minutes later. i normally skip lunch but i took one this time thinking that a much needed energy would be helpful should there be an aftershock.

i was a little disappointed to hear no company official statement. other companies in that same building went home early than the usual. it was business as usual for ours. the earthquake was 6.9 with kilometers offshore negros as it's epicenter.

our japanese teacher then shared that during earthquakes, the first thing to do is to hide under the table and stay under until the quake stops. i immediately replied, there is only one table in our training room. surely, five people won't fit under it. and besides, cebu is not tokyo. in tokyo everything, buildings and people included, are earthquake proof. in cebu, we have no proof that buildings will remain standing after withstanding quakes. now we know it will but we didn't know before.

hours later, news of an impending tsunami came. the water in downtown area rose, they said. and this caused panic. just search for videos in youtube to find more. it must have been a carnival out there. but thinking back now, no one can blame these people. first, others haven't heard of the news of where the epicenter was. if they did, then mostly likely they would know that a tsunami in the city is impossible. second, this is the first big quake in cebu. most people don't even know what epicenter means. not knowing anything is scary and that makes one vulnerable to believe what others say. third, it was already a mob out there. when a huge number of people run towards you, won't you run with them as well? lastly, news of japan and new zealand is still quite fresh in the people's minds. you just can't blame them for acting that way. these made me conclude that cebu is not ready for earthquakes yet.

later around 6, as we were having a video conference with our japan counterparts, came a big aftershock. but i didn't even realize it until our boss himself alerted about it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... our boss finally stopped the conference and told everyone to get out of the building. what a day it was. i went home with stories to share.

aftershocks still came days after but the trauma of the first is incomparable. i can't be more thankful that we were safe.

my memorable christmas

the philippine christmas celebration they say is the longest. it starts as early as september and ends on january. i also think it does. people starts to become joyful and thinks of christmas on september. but for me, my christmas started on december 10.

we decided to have a community outreach for the fire victims in tejero. it was a heartwarming experience. seeing the smiles on the faces of our beneficiaries is more than enough. i believe that all great things begin with a simple step and not taking that step is the biggest sin. i know that what we offered was not enough but it is a step. this made me realize that if people are more compassionate towards others, what a great difference this would make to the world. in our case, the small effort of 12 people made 70 families a bit happier.

it was also on december when i joined a funlympics. i was never the sporty type from the start but i know how to use adrenaline. i was surprised myself that i totally enjoyed the event. we had paintball early in the morning. it was fun when you hear someone scream "ouch"; it was fun knowing that you were able to hit. but the bullets are really painful, no joke. in the afternoon, we enjoyed an unusual obstacle course. it definitely is not good for acrophobic people like me. i always thought of quitting during the course but my heart pushed me to continue. and yes i did! the late afternoon was spent on race karting. i don't drive and i admit i am the worst even on simulated driving but this is fun. i just sped up and survived with no scratches. wahihihi. this made me think of the importance of a good health. the world is wide and there is still so much more to explore. be fit and take the challenge.

blog imports

finally i'm done with all my friendster blogs. i guess i'll need to check on each just to see if the font color is readable against my background. but basically, i'm done. my friendster blogs are:

• starting this this (trial)
• and ends up with this (58 suliran ni bossing niadtong 10-30-2008...)

while reading the entries, there were some bits and pieces missing. bits and pieces started with my friendster entries but then only the endings were in my blogger entries. that actually made sense because i also had a multiply blog. the multiply entries sort of, revealed the transition. i just found that out coz i read them again. somehow, a part of me was missing in this blog site. i'm not quite sure if you care but if you do, i'm in deep shit!!!

now here is the biggest issue. if possible, i would also like to import my multiply blog in here too to complete the picture. but unfortunately, this is quite hard. it seems that multiply does not have an exporter. multiply doesn't want me out. multiply wants to keep my missing pieces. waaaa... 53 entries in multiply is missing. well, not all necessarily unique--i have duplicates in both blogger and friendster. but i want them back.

help guys!!!

minutes of silence

because of recent happenings, i have been questioning myself lately. for sure it was not intentional nor the circumstance called for it, but a eureka popped up. err... not really a eureka: a eureka is more of a realization/finding of something. this one was more on the negative.

was what i did enough? was i worth it?

it hit me hard, leading to self doubt. why were there so many loopholes if i did right? gosh... i really thought hard. and the more i think about it, the more it bugged me, and the more it brought me down to the pits of hell. i just tried to keep my pride but deep inside i was about to burst into tears. i tried to justify with myself... who was to blame for this???? who had the bigger fault???? but all fingers pointed to me. ouch!

24 minutes passed and all is history.

why would i dwell on what has happened? all i have to do was think of ways on how to do it better than think deep of how to put less blame on me. from the eternal abyss of hell, my spirit was lifted to the peak of mt olympus. energized. ready to face the battles head on. you just wait a little and you will be crushed, speck of dust.



lesson of my story:
haller!!! take life easy oi! how will we be successful if we haven't tried failures? and how will we improve if we haven't questioned our worth? but don't dwell on the failures and questions na lang permi hap. OA ra sad ning uban na di na lang mulihok kay sayop lang daw permi. ewww!!! that will never ever ever happen to me.

bummed for the third time

for the third time.... nada!

what does that mean?

i'm not that good enough to be on that train. they preferred that i rot stuck on a tree than bail me out.

oh well, i should have shouted for help stronger. but i didn't. maybe i also preferred to rot stuck. but if they really do need me, they should have forced their way. they have done the same for the others but never for me.

always a candidate but never made it. always considered but never acquired.

i don't think i can afford a fourth nada. if you do consider me again, just keep it to yourselves. a surprise would be better. and then i'll probably surprise you with a big NO!

time to reconsider offers.

the long fought battle is won

well this is not a literal battle. its more like a clash of ideas.

i'm just glad they will finally come home. i'm glad they will still go back there when all of this ends. but i'm frustrated at how dirty this business can get. i can't help but feel like mere pawns sometimes; i can't help to feel like toys. we too have emotions for christ's sake... we have feelings... we have lives... we have families... we are human. and with this long battle, i can't help but feel helpless. the trust i gave was crushed. i trust them with my life and that they will take care of me in times of troubles like this. but now, it seems they were only focused on impressions, status, money. i'm not directly affected, i am only a witness. but these actions are forever etched in my soul. i'm quite sure the same thing will happen if it were me. i just cannot trust them with all my heart.

at least it is over. the decision has been made. they will be back! but for sure they are left with emotional scars. frustration...

it is over for now. let's tackle this some other day.

as the earth trembles 20110311

i was sitting patiently in the office and then a message came from our colleagues in japan, earthquake. oh well, japan is known for that. while i was there for 2 years, i must have experienced the most earthquake in my entire life.

but then new messages came, they went out of the buildings. it was that strong! we then started to call our other colleagues in tokyo, worried of their safety. no contact.

communication network is down but internet is fine, said our boss in japan. this was at around 2pm philippine time.

talked with other friends in japan making sure they are safe and getting news about the others, it was heart pounding. we finally received a call from 2 colleagues, they were both fine but the trauma is clear in their voices. stationed at the 6th floor, they immediately grabbed the helmets and ran down the stairwell. wall cracks becoming visible and ceiling paints raining down, it was like a movie. when they came back, all their things were tossed around, giant monitors down the floor. they recalled via phone giving us updates before they go home and end the working day abruptly.

kanchigai deshita. (the misunderstanding)

• 
  

  wakai chichi oya

  HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY BABY KYNE! =)) God bless and papa is so happy to have you around! I Love You KYNE! Miss you..MMWWAAHHHHHHHHH!

  59 minutes ago ·  · 

• 
  
  

  japan girl わかい父親？！
  ２人目の子供が生まれたのですか？
  おめでとうございます！！！！！
  

  27 minutes ago · 
• 
  

  wakai chichi oya Hai.. =) doomo arigatou gozaimasu sensei!
  

  26 minutes ago · 
• 
  

  innocent色男 duha na imong anak? nag hai2 man gud ka dira. (sa ako rang nasabtan hap.) wahihihihi. wakaii chichi oya must be very happy
  

  23 minutes ago · 
• 
  

  wakai chichi oya hahahaha! btaw...iyang pasabot kay 2nd baby man diay..dli uy! sakspan hnuon ko dah.. of course! happy kaayo c wakai chichi oya! hahaha
  

  21 minutes ago · 
• 
  

  japan girl うれしそうにしているわかい父親の顔が浮かんできて、私もとてもうれしいです。(^▽^)
  
  ところで、男の子ですか？それとも女の子ですか？
  

  20 minutes ago · 
• 
  

  innocent色男 hala gudluck sa nabhat sa imong hai2. hay naku. wahihihi. congrats chichi oya.
  

  18 minutes ago · 

transcript of the above in english:

wakai chichi oya
      HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY BABY KYNE! =)) God bless and papa is so happy to have you around! I Love You KYNE! Miss you..MMWWAAHHHHHHHHH!

japan girl
      wakai chichi oya?!
      was your second child born?
      congratulations!!!!!     

wakai chichi oya
      yes.. =) thank you very much teacher!

innocent色男
      you already got two kids? you confirmed it above (from what i understood.) wahihihihi. wakaii chichi oya must be very happy     

wakai chichi oya
      hahahaha! hmmm... ohh she meant 2nd baby..no i didn't mean that! but of course wakai chichi oya is very happy! hahaha     

japan girl
      you seem very happy. wakai chichi oya's face shows it, i am also very happy for you.(^▽^)
      is it a boy? or a girl?

innocent色男
      oh my, goodluck to the result of your "yes". wahihihi. congratulations chichi oya.



lesson of the story:
- it is very hard to translate cebuano to english, you just can't capture the exact sentiments.   
- mac/safari can copy/paste even the html formating. or am i just the only one who does not know this? i don't care but it's great.
- curiosity killed the cat. ooops... this is for another story.




peace out.

100 truths

since i have nothing to do then i'll try this. enjoy

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = coffee mocha from a one peso vending machine
2. last phone call = Aime Amor, regarding a CMR for RM. (super work related)
3. last text message = to Tiny informing her of how to get to Boracay from Caticlan
4. last song you listened to = Kahit Isang Saglit by Martin Nievera
5. last time you cried = earlier today after some chinese mentholated stuff got into my eyes

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = nopes
7. been cheated on = nopes
8. kissed someone & regretted it = nopes
9. lost someone special = yes, we separated ways. I'm not even sure if they miss me.
10. been depressed = who doesn't? but at least i rebounded
11. been drunk and threw up = never threw up. i'm a sane drinker

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Purple
13. Orange
14. Red

LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend = yes. unexpectedly, i did
16. Fallen out of love = hmmm. wrong question to ask.
17. Laughed until you cried = of course. i'm good at laughing
18. Met someone who changed you = yup.
19. Found out who your true friends were = i only keep few friends and i know all of them are true.
20. Found out someone was talking about you = yup. when you are famous, it is bound to happen. wahahahha
21. Kissed anyone on your fb friend's list = hmmm. another wrong question. wahihihi

GENERAL:
22. How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life = i know most of them. about 98%
24. Do you have any pets = i do. ooops, my family does.
25. Do you want to change your name = ughm, a little more characters would be better. i only have 5 letters for a name.
26. What did you do for your last birthday = had a little feast at home.
27. What time did you wake up today = around 6:15. earlier than usual
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = watched a hungarian movie online
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = the day i travel out of the country preferably japan or south korea
30. Last time you saw your Mother = early this morning while preparing my breakfast
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about you = my height. if i could only grow 4 inches more
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = tom cruise??? haven't met any tom
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = boredom
35. Most visited webpage = facebook. my blog.
37. Nicknames = fritzie, furitsu, fritz boi.
38. Relationship Status = single since birth
39. Zodiac sign = sexy scorpio
40. Male or female? = male
41. Elementary? = Mandaue City Central School
42. Middle School = University of the Philippines High School in Cebu
44. Hair colour = very dark brown
45. Long or short = middle length.
46. Height = above 5'6"
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = yes
48: What do you like about yourself? = positive outlook
49. Piercing= nopes
50. Tattoos = none
51. Righty or lefty= righty.

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery = does circumcision count???
53. First piercing = never had any
54. First best friend = Cyril my childhood friend
55. First sport you joined = dakop-dakop was a sport back then.
56. First vacation = davao way back 1990s
58. First crush = Grade 4?

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = nothing.
60. Drinking = nothing.
61. I'm about to= get some water to drink.
62. Listening to = keyboard clicking in the office.
63. Waiting for = 6:30 to get out of here.

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = maybe a couple of kids will do.
65. Get Married? = i just want to have a partner, married or not.
66. Career? = i'm afraid to become a call center agent. hopefully my next career would be related to traveling.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses = kisses.
69. Shorter or taller= taller.
70. Older or Younger = younger at heart
71. Romantic or spontaneous = can i have both?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = does nice stomach=big appetite and nice arms=kargador??? oh please.
73. Sensitive or loud = sensitive.
74. Hook-up or relationship = relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = a little of both worlds is fine

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = again, a wrong question in here.
77. Drank hard liquor = yup.
78. Lost glasses/contacts = left my shades on an island in japan
79. Sex on first date = im a virgin. doutei desu.
80. Broken someone's heart = i'm not sure.
81. Had your own heart broken = yeah and it was painful.
82. Been arrested = nopes
83. Turned someone down = i think so.
84. Cried when someone died = not yet.
85. Fallen for a friend? = interesting question.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = yes. if i don't then how would i convince others?
87. Miracles = yup.
88. Love at first sight = don't you mean lust???
89. Heaven = YES!
90. Santa Claus = i would love to believe.
91. Kiss on the first date = we didn't kiss.
92. Angels = yes yes yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Had more than one bf/gf? = nope.
95. Did you sing today? = yup. i love singing
96. Ever cheated on somebody? = nopes. this should have been, have you ever been in a romantic relationship and i could have said nope. wahihihi
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? = about two years back when life in japan was great. wahahaha
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? = a little.
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = i'm about to.


done!!!

2nd year

i just discovered that its been 2 years writing this blog. that long???? i never knew i could write that long. i started blogging in friendster and ended up losing my password. so there goes friendster down the drain. then i used multiply. hmmm... i don't use it that much now. and then ended up with blogspot.

ever since, bits and pieces of my life is written and documented. not necessarily to brag or anything good that happened, i even intended to keep this blog a secret. but i just wanted to keep a record. i totally enjoyed reading past entries on my friendster blog before it got lost. that is the only wish for keeping this blog. to laugh out at past experiences. i cannot forever keep my memory and pictures can not tell emotions. though i may still not show all emotions in my writing but at least i opened some.

in my 2 years, i wrote of travels, of highlights, most are just plain whining. but it is clear that i've learned. i will never be the same person i was before. acceptance -  it is my new year's resolution. i can't figure out how i came up with it but i've got to learn to accept things and lessen the whining.

i've got to learn to accept who i am. accept the me from the bald patches on my head, to the pimply face, to the stocky build i now have, to the quite unclear preferences. it's not that i will do nothing to improve me but i think it is only when you start to accept that you can think of better ways to improve yourself.

now is the start of a new chapter. i hope this one will be better and more colorful than the previous ones. hoping for the best.

aftereffects of a downpour

after the heavy rain, i looked out of my window. everything was flooded. at least the rain stopped but the sun wasn't up yet. and because i live on the second floor, naturally, i could see everything. everything below, i mean.

and then i saw a guy in blue from afar -- quite far but still recognizable. but i don't know my neighbors so i don't know who he was as well. we was just there sitting on some bench. then he stood up and went behind a car. and came back to sit a little while after. that was weird, i thought. he did the same thing twice now.

and then i noticed that he was looking towards the iron fence (galvanized iron). was he peeping??? he was looking through small holes on the fence. and then he stood up again and went behind a parked car. it seemed like he was trying to look over the fence. hmmm... he is peeping!!!

he did the same routine again and again. i kept on looking, wondering what might happen if he gets caught. he just kept on peeping.

and then i realized, just like a eureka. i am doing the same thing. i am also peeping. gosh!!!

the border experience

had the opportunity to travel to singapore for a few days. luckily, going to malaysia land bound is easier.  so there we went, boarded on a night bus to kuala lumpur from singapore.

after 30 minutes, we arrived at the singapore immigration. the bus driver was never accommodating from the start and this was no exception, he just told us to go down the bus to what seemed like an official building. yes, this was the immigration.

there i stood in front of the officer as she was checking my passport. "where is the white card?", she asked. "in the bus", i replied. "go get it, i'll keep your passport with me", she said. then and there i went out thinking of how much of a failure i was. i should have kept that white thing in the passport. damn... too late.

unsure of what to do, i ran for the bus. but the bus was not there. i asked the other bus driver, he pointed at the other direction. quite unsure of what he meant, i asked again telling him of the bus number this time. he grunted, "wait at the other side". damn. these drivers should learn to be friendly. why can't they do it to a foreigner like me??? who would want to take your bus twice and experience the same thing twice? arrogant bitches.

so there i waited and got my things right away when the bus came. the exit where i came from had red no-entry signs. i decided to run back to the entrance, i don't want to be left behind in this forsaken place. i had to run, i thought. to my surprise, going back to the entrance is a big no no--there were lots of barricades. so i asked the police officers nearby of how to get back in. "go back in from where you came out from". gosh! so i ran back to the exit and made my entrance. this is just so weird, i was a complete failure. i had a total body exercise at 11pm.

went back to the lady officer. she checked my passport again. scanned the white paper... stamped on my passport... and gave it to me. damn. i stood there the whole time while catching my breath. went out of the exit once again and slowly came back to the bus. i slowly walked, the bus driver was standing--he must have been furious again. damn you all. they should have stapled that damn white card to the passport. the bus driver should have told us of what things to bring.

lesson learned: be ready for an exercise anytime of the day.

confessions of innocence

"would you still leave me? even though a few years from now, what happened to us would also happen to you and her? would you still choose to leave me for her?"

"even if they know they will eventually die, people continue on living."

"i hate you...uhu. uhu."

love must be worth it all. for if not, why would people still choose to love...

conversation between men

me: hala moadto na diay ko singapore next Saturday. (oh! i'm leaving for singapore next saturday.)
dad: kinsa man imong kuyog? (who will you be with?)
me: kato gihapong kuyog nako sa japan. (same folks with me in japan.)
dad: katong kuyog sad nimo sa boracay? katong babaye? magkasinabtanay ra lagi mo. (same people you were also with in boracay? the girl? you agree much with each other.)
me: o. (yes)
dad: kato na lang kaha pangasaw-i. maayo na para angayan inyong liwat. (why not marry her? your children would look good.)

then i left. i can't say any further when my dad talks to me about stuff like this. i just don't know how to react.




had a similar talk with my uncle over the phone a few months back.

...
uncle: unya naa na kay uyab? (so, do you have a gf now?)
me: wala pa. (not yet.)
uncle: kato diayng kuyog nimo sa facebook? e****r ba to ang pangalan? boto ra ko ato niya dong. kato na lang. pareson ra mo ato ug kuyog bitaw mo permi. (how about that girl in your facebook? was she e****r? i'm fine with her for you. you look good together and it seems you get along well.)
me: aw naa na toy uyab tiyo oi. (but she already has a bf, uncle.)
uncle: aw uyab pa bitaw na. (ah, bf can be changed.)

it's like they are all telling me to settle right away. how can i do that when my heart has never beaten for someone yet??? i can't force myself to like someone, that's insane. yeah, probably they were thinking of my welfare when i get older. who wants to get old alone? i don't. but i don't want to spend eternity with someone forced.

if only i could just make babies by myself the i would be alone in the future. plants and some animals are way better, they can mate themselves and produce offspring themselves. gosh. divine intervention, where are you???

but do i really need someone to be happy at this moment? i guess not. but should i marry just to be secured that i wont be alone during my golden days? i don't think so.

just make things clear, e****r and i are just friends. we agreed to marry each other when we get 30. wahahaha. am i secured now? not really. how pathetic of me... wahihihi.


lesson of the story, you can't force yourself to love. just leave the coercing to others.

conversation between the body and the heart

one day, the body asked the heart. "when i'm hurt i go to the doctor, but if you're hurt then who will heal you?" then the heart said, "i have to heal by myself".

--from a korean drama--

maybe it's because of this that people have different ways to cure the pain. some people do excessive shopping, others travel more with friends. others eat extravagantly, and others start a new hobby. and sadly, others choose to ignore the pain and deceive themselves. whatever it is that heals the heart or alleviates the pain must be done.

others even choose to find a new heart to patch up the broken pieces. some succeeds but others end up with two broken hearts. there is no right or wrong when it comes to it: the heart has to heal itself.

i am not the right person to ask of these stuff; my heart was never badly beaten before. so i too am wondering what i would do if my heart is in pain. i pity those hearts but i pity mine the most; it has never experienced heavenly highs and unfathomable lows. everything is in limbo.

if this heart is pained i guess i'd babble away--try to talk away the pain. i guess i'd smile more to keep me sane. i guess i'd walk all day to hurt my feet more. i probably won't find another heart, i might just crush it down if i would. but then who knows?

how would i know???

i will only keep on guessing...

but for those with hearts hurt, just remember that only change is permanent. pain too will have to leave. hope more pain won't follow right away.

i seriously wish you all to be happy and find that special someone.

be happy and minimize my competition for that someone.