romeos

i watched a rather interesting film last night and i would like to share it with you guys. pardon for my naivety; i do not watch movies for their cinematography nor any other technical aspects (i do admit that costume and set sometimes triggers me to watch movies). but i watch movies either because i am intrigued by the movie (plot included), the actors look great (contributes around 70% for less advertised movies), there is some fun involved (that includes either comedy or hot seduction), or any mix of the above. that is how unreliable i am.

here is my write-up for Romeos, a 2011 German film.

let me start by saying that the movie was really something. it started with a man, Lukas (rick okon), who just moved to Cologne and was accidentally assigned to the female dormitories. well at least that was what it seemed to me initially. the first scene was awkward with Lukas entering the toilet examining himself in the mirror and then suddenly a woman with towel wrapped around her body(obviously from the shower) came in view. she then screamed her lungs out.

reality check

for some reason, i need to expand my horizon once again.

i don't want to be stuck with the now yet, no way. now how would i do that?

it's time for some reality check first.

1. hello innocente, you don't always get what you want.

• to whoever told me that i can, you are absolutely wrong. i don't. for if i did, i would have a better hunkier body. i'm not complaining with my chunks now, but i could do more. i am a work in progress. only abnormal people have perfect bodies right away.
• and you know what, i could have been in the arms of someone right now. but boohoo, i am not. so nada. there it goes. puff!

2. hello innocente, do not assume that all people are like you.

• not all are as happy natured as you are. not all are as loyal as you are. not all are of the same wavelength as yours. you just have to accept this fact. you just have to lower your expectations or you will only get disappointed. do not expect much from the people around you. you just can't. remember that not all can take the greatness of who you are. better hold that head high and face the world head on. you bitches are plain bitches. wahahahaha. welcome the best bitch in town. wahahaha.

3. hello innocente, be always prepared.

• you don't know what these people's true motives are. these are all thinking people, not like you. and why do i always end up relying on feelings? use your brain for once. life is too short got to live it long. do not be taken advantage of. there are some things better left unsaid or they will fire back taking some form which will eventually cause some tragedy.

and what spurred this all?

you do not need to know.

district higashigotanda represented.

welcome to the hunger games.

ideal type

hmmm. after 2 days of working out, i thought that i should have a goal. as my instructor told me, numeric goals (ideal weight and time frame) are more practical. so i went home last tuesday with this in mind. what is my goal???? what do i want to achieve???

for the time frame, that is quite easy. i should reach my goal before our family reunion this december end. very near. it is a month from now. uhhhh... scary.

now the weight is more difficult. at 24.5 BMI, my weight is normal to my height. but it's in the upper category-- overweight starts at 25 BMI. i then searched the net for a goal. browsed... browsed... but the answer came from old emails. spare me from your questions about the email contents please. and right there and then it became my phone wallpaper. i just had to see it everyday to remind me of my goal. thank you very much to the anonymous who shared this picture in my mailbox.

satisfied with my find, i shared it to my colleagues the day after. they said the body was great, but they don't want me to be like that. it won't fit me they said. well, who can blame them? me and the picture/wallpaper are complete opposites. i've always been this lovable creature but the damn wallpaper was oozing with sexiness hot. as in HOT!!! definitely my type... hmmm... ideal body type. wait that might sound something else. i want to have that body... hmmm... that still sounds wrong. wahahahaha.

notice

do not be surprised for a sudden grow in entries. no you are not dreaming and this is no fantasy--as if you would really notice but just in case you do. i have successfully imported my friendster blog entries here. yehey! hurrah!!! shoutout to @jp (click the name to reach his blog).

so now, i will be busy sorting things out. the entries have to retain their original posted form but still i have to read each just to be content sure. here are the things to note before you read them:

• these entries were written 5 years ago. as such, they will obviously be posted in the oldest parts of this blog.
• all friendster entries have numbers or anything related to numbers in their titles. as to why, i really don't know (reminiscent of that shampoo commercial huh. wahihihi). i am not sure what i was thinking back then but at least it is convenient now.
• since they were written 5 years back, writing style must have also been different. grammar and spelling goes with it. (a disclaimer sort of for you guys who might pick on me for it. wahahaha)
• there are a total of 58 entries. these will be published from first to last one after the other. i still have to read each entry before posting.
• do not ask me how the picture below is related to this entry. it has no relation at all. i just want to post it in here. :D

now the ground rules are set. hurrah to my old entries!!!

and they all start here. enjoy!!!

double standards

for people like me who has unhealthy scalp, salon experts recommend scalp treatment. of course, i took it. i am still too young to be bald. i don't want to be bald yet. though it is in my genes, i don't want it to happen now. no no no... gosh, back to the topic.

so one day i went to "tony and jackey" to get the scalp treatment. it was a nice salon with good service. but hairdressers were all koreans. i have no complaints on koreans, don't get me wrong. they cut hair well and have an out of this world style. but i do feel a little frustrated that filipinos now hire koreans to style their hair in the philippines. hmmm... but i still support the salon. i am such a hypocrite.

the salon has filipino assistants attending to the desires of the korean hairdressers. the korean hairdressers only cut the hair and guide the assistant on all the procedures needed. so there i went at around 11am to have my treatment. the assistant shampooed my hair and then applied the treatment, heated it up via a bubble shaped heating machine, and then shampooed again, and finally dried it up ready for cutting. it was around lunch time when the hairdresser finally got to me.

i just asked her to trim my hair shorter. she cut my hair as expected. massaged a little as expected. but then, she continued the treatment (this should have been done by the assistant), massaged my head some more, massaged my face, massaged my neck and then my back. it was enough to ask, do they also offer body massages in here? it was a super nice experience but it was not the usual. i've had 4 treatments before in the same salon but it was not like this. it was so good to the point that i thought bad of the korean stylist. it seemed that a good service was only made because she was asking for a "tip". she even waited by the doorway after i paid as if waiting for the "tip".

but my double standards surfaced. i paid the amount and "tipped" the filipino assistant, but not the korean hairdresser. most of the huge sum i paid would surely go to the hairdresser and the assistant would only get a small portion of it. i pity the filipino assistant and i would rather give more to her than to anyone else. call it double standards but i don't want to receive good service just to get a "tip". why won't they treat all customers the same? do i smell of money? does my face spell money? i don't like that. good service should be for all.

now, just for the benefit of the doubt, maybe she fancies me. i don't look bad, so maybe i am here type. too bad she isn't mine, i have higher standards. wahahahha.

complex

how far will you go for beauty???

i have just read a blog on a personal transformation story. he emphasized that we has about 60kg at 12... yes that may be huge but he didn't look that way on the pics he posted. he said that he was not aware of any fashion except that of his mom, mom practically dressed him. he was a total loser, he said. then gradually, he changed bit by bit and reached 40kg, got contact lenses, and learned fashion and clothed himself.

now looking back, i was always the chubby type. i practically have no neck on my elementary days. it is very hard to run a half length of a soccer field in high school. but i was never bullied, i got off them since i was a brainy. no one dared to bully because i have the brains. 

i still had the bulging belly when i entered college. there was even a time that i was classified as class 1 obese. then a friend saw me one day and commented on how big i was. i got embarrassed. i started to diet after that incident. that was the focal point. 

now i weigh 70kg. i cannot go any less. i have tried being 65kg but my face didn't go with it. i have a big head literally. a big head on a small body would look like a matchstick. so i don't care much on my weight, as long as my bmi says i'm normal then i'm ok with it. i don't feel like a loser even if i weigh more.

the only complex i have though is my face. i had acne breakout during puberty but it cleared during college. then suddenly just last year, they all came back. i'm thankful that now, there are no new ones but i am suffering from the dark marks left. it is really really hard to get rid of them. and i really get affected when people point out my face. i try to hide the feeling of course but deep inside, i am hurting like hell. why of all things should you point out my face. as if i chose it to be that way. and look, i am finding ways to get rid of these marks ok so just shut up in there. waaaaah... my head screams when i get those talks and it is hard to maintain your cool. 

so can anyone of you in there recommend something good and fast to get rid of these red marks.

it is hard to take photos when you don't have the confidence so i have never posted new pictures of me.. god.

help!!!!!

resolutions (trenta...)

i got the time to look at the photos of my friends back in college. i found through friendster where they are at currently, what they are doing and etc. as i  browsed through them, there is this certain feeling that came over me. it was like jealousy but in a deeper sense. i don't know but i really felt lonely while looking at their photos, of the joys on their faces. they are now in manila training for some computer company. the photos were of them having fun in this amusement park. it really was fun. they were toured around the city.


and then i thought of me. what do i have to boast? i don't even know my personality anymore. i don't even know what i aspire, don't know what i really want in life. i don't know whether this job i currently have will benefit me in the latter years or months. i thought of doing things i don't even know i can do. i thought of having things i don't even know i can have. i thought of being friends with many people but i just don't know how.


i am a homebody who enjoys simple conversations rather than having night outs. i am a person trapped in the so many norms established by society. i just want to escape from all of them but I'm scared. i have so many qualms in life i don't even know where to start if i tell all of them. I've got so many burdens that i carry. i don't really know how to get rid of them. i just wonder because i feel like this always when i have nothing to do or have something to do but don't know how to do it. all the realities in my life start to flood out. i guess i want to do more, want to achieve more, want to feel life more, want to breathe more. I'm an insatiable being always thirsty for more.


and as i reevaluate my life, i always think positive. i know i can do them all. i know that someday i will be free-- free from all these burdens. i know that someday, i will be able to fly to some other place. i definitely want to travel and i will do it someday. i want to explore and i know i can. i will someday be able to live life to its fullest and i still have so many years to do them all. i want to grow in knowledge and in experience. i want to have no worries, nothing to bother me. i will try to be happy in the life that i will choose to live and i hope people will be as well.


and if  i cant do them all at least i will try them all. as my motto says:

"if you cant be the sun, be a star"




sure that is something i can be proud of...

28th... (yesterday's drama...)

a friend received an email inviting her to try their company... it was a very tempting and irresistible offer... i don't know what talks we've made but it came to a point where we were talking about employment experiences--job offers, interviews, and the like. she said that maybe it was really her destiny to be where she is working for if not, she should have been accepted in other companies with bigger pay. i was amazed that we were in fact trying out the same companies. we shared interview experiences and laughed about them. then i got depressed...


i realized that one of my biggest downfall in this computer related profession was my not being a computer related course graduate... its partially my fault. i know that its  kinda weird to hear a math graduate in an IT field. but i want to push my limits. i just find the world of software development challenging and i always seek challenge. it really bothers me that a part of the points used against me in one of my interviews was this fact... no matter how hard i say that i can be easily trained, that i easily learn, the damage is done.


a well... and this is also one of the reasons why i cant easily transfer to other companies. the stigma is there. i know my potentials but others cant see raw talent (char...) with just one look of the eye. i always feel that i need to work harder because of this. i feel that i have to make extra effort because of this. this is really an insecurity that i cant deny. no one judged me in my present work. I'm glad about that. but to transfer and experience the whole process of application again is very stressful... i get to be judged again on what course i have taken... i just wish to have a long experience and maybe thats the time that i can get away with my downfall...


its really depressing to be judged on what you have and not on what you can offer... its definitely their loss and not mine....