october 11

when i resolved to chatting, i can't help but wonder if these people are being real to themselves. no one will ever know if they are telling the truth. no one will care too i guess. most people are in for a good time. yeah, i too was there for a good time at first. but somehow as the days pass, i started to look for something else. you'll get bored of the food in front of your monitor eventually. that happened to me. people will look for comfort from people, people need to interact and be a social being. it is a natural urge.

i took the step and started with simple comments. "lol" was a good word to start with; i'm glad it was invented. i was a "loller", the best "loller" in fact... others "lolled" too, but i knew i was the best. lol. it was a pathetic life. some cared but most didn't. and then i grew some courage, spoke some other words. from then on, they knew i could spell more words... it was a huge step. the social urge as they say grew more and more each day.

then came the time that people started to recognise me. some remembered at least. wit was a key factor. i was a natural charmer. it was all with words and nothing else. then came people who started to like and pursue. it was awkward really. but maybe im a natural born flirt, it was never my intention but they fell for me. i am the worst, i must be. so maybe this is what giving wrong signals is. i never had this feeling before. or so i thought... maybe i had. as i waded through this small publicity, i met you.

a simple hi and hello. conversations that kept on for hours was a constant. we promised not to fall for each other. i never did. probably you didn't too. i never had the courage to reveal myself to you. but you were a natural talker too. it was like meeting a duplicate of me. slowly i was barenaked not in a literal way. you will probably shutdown your machine if that was the case. it was easy, not forced at all. i cut down the pursuers as you said, i knew you were happy when i did. i never had any intentions of having this any further but i am a softie. all of a sudden, you made me smile. that was a bad sign. we were constantly joking not to fall but all that time i was already willing to jump this cliff with you. but just as i was about to, you just cant... you were chained down with trouble.

i could not fight against that. you were in that state of uncertainty... you were complicated as you spoke more and more of you to me. i was willing to accept all of that dirt... i really was. i tried to break you free of that chain... i really did. you talked of plans but didn't work for it. you yourself were weighing you down. you were never willing to break that chain in the first place. it was a lossing case... it was hard. but i had to let it go. we were not meant to be. we met at the wrong time.

you were back with your ex. and i have to move on.

i never heard anything from you since oct 11

lusang gitisud

bisan ug asa ka pa anaa, naa gyuy mga panahon na wala kay lingaw. dinhi sa japan, kay pwerte man ka paspas sa internet, aw natural, ang among buhaton aning mga alaut na panahon kay may kalabutan sa internet.

sa usa ka adlaw'ng alaot, na bore gyud ko. ambot unsay nisulod sa akong utok atong mga panahuna nga nag-apil-apil man ko ug chatroom. pwerte sad nakong lingawa hinuon kay aligre man sab kaayo ang mga gipangchat sa mga tawo. pero mao lagi na, pareho sa kasagarang chatroom daghan sad kaayo mag flirt-flirt. nalibog gyud ko pero karong panahuna murag tanang tawo kay bigaon na man siguro oi. sorry kaayo sa term pero ambot oi, kung walay biga kay di man siguro managhan ang chatroom. aw naa sad bayay mga tarong sa sugod, pero biga ra gihapon ang padulngan (kasakit! naunay ko. wahahhaa).

nag hilom-hilom pa ko pag-una; lisod baya ning wala ka kahibalo pa kung unsay mga kalihukan. unya silang tanan kay murag dugay nang kaila baya. nagbasa-basa ra sa ko ug mga messages ug nagsigi ug agik-ik. sa wa lang damha nagreply na ko ug "lol @ pangan". mura ra sad ni'g akong kalaki sa facebook sad ba na kusog kaayo mo like. well unsaon ta man na wala may like sa chat gud. pwerte gyud nakong pagkalingaw sa ilang mga gipang isturyahan.

ug sa dihang naay ni message sa chatroom na nangita daw siya ug friend, kinsa daw ang ganahan. aw nimessage ra sad ko na ganahan ko. sa laktod na pagkaisturya, nag chat na mi sa skype. o sosyal, nag skype-skype na. sturya mi ug work, iyang uyab, ug iyang mga plano sa kinabuhi. ug kay naglisod baya ko'g filipino gamay, nagsige ra gyud ko ug ngisi. amaw-amawan lang ang show ba. nagpakita dayon siya ug pictures niya sa facebook, ug niingon na "ang panget ko no?". aw ang ako sad, care ko kung panget  na friendship ra baya gyud akong tuyo. ako na lang sad giclick. kung laing tawo ang motan-aw ato for sure normal ra gyud to na nawng. unya unsaon ta man na hilason man ko, taas-taas baya ko ug standards unya di man gyud siya kapasar... naglibog na dayon ko kung unsay itubag. alangan man sad ug ingnon nako na "ahh ikaw to? sige busy pala ako, chat you next time na lang". honest gyud diay siya, ako na lang gi-ingnan na "ahh ikaw to, angayan lagi imong uyab. (in filipino of course. bwahahhaha)". 

ug sa dihang nikalit na man siya ug ingon na love na daw ko niya. hala! kakuyaw! murag usa ka oras pa gani ta nagchat, unya diba naa man kay uyab? tanga-tangahan mode nasad ko, aw gikataw-an lang sad nako. palihis topic, gisukit-sukit ug maayo sa iyang uyab. nitubag ra sad ang kagwang. sa pagkadugay sa sturya, nibalik na sad ug "i love you". samoka! ako sad giingnan, "akala ko ba friends lang hinahanap mo?". ug gireplyan sad ko'g, "may kasunod yun, or a serious relationship. ano ba intindi mo dun?". aw ako ra sad giingnan na abi nako ug friendly relationship. unya nangutana dayon siya kung love sad daw ba nako siya. hala kuyawa! lupig pa man shotgun ani. mura siya'g lusa na lami tusdon (sugod karon, panganlan na siya nako'g lusa). while nagsige siya ug labyu-labyu nako, nagsige sad ug panghatag ug number ang kagwang sa chatroom. nagsige pa gyud ug panghagad ug eyeball sa bisan kinsa na lang tawo. ataka! mao na diay ni lab-lab run, "one-to-many relationship"? nahurt akong pride da, ako sad gireplyan sa chatroom na "go @ lusa". ug ni katawa ra sad. nibalik na sad ug chat nako sa skype na love lagi daw ko niya. ako sad siya giingnan na "di kasi ako naniniwala sa long distance relationship (samot na sa through chat lang no). but we are friends". winner!!! 

hangtud karon kay nagsige lang gihapon mi ug chat. aw don't get me wrong, lingaw man gyud siya ka chat kung dili lang maabot sa labyu-labyu. ako siya na-pangutana once na kung modemand ko na buwagan ang iyang uyab, iya bang buwagan. wow nice kaayo ang tubag, mao daw na ang kondisyon niya sa iyang mga nakarelasyon na dili daw niya buwagan iyang uyab. hala! unsa ni, disclaimer??? "no other woman" ang role nako ani da. bwahahhaha. di ko mabuhi ana oi. possessive baya ko, ang akong ganahan kay ako ra ang center sa iyang attention. kacute ra nako ah, dapat na siya makontento nako oi!

nalibog sad gyud ko kung nganong naa gyu'y mga tawo na feeling kaayo na god's gift to humanity sila. love as many as you can... share yourself to all... ang problema pa gyud kay kaning mga tawhana kay dili pa gyud kaayo mga ambongan. haller!!! lusa ra ka oi, wa ka nalipong??? "one-to-one" ra man gani si anne curtis ug si erwan(feeling close?!?!?!?!).