in transit

transitions are hard to handle, i know this first hand. when in transition it means that something new is here; something new is creeping into your stable existence. and whether you like it or not, it will stay giving you no other choice but to have a transition. a transition from the old to the new: from the usual to the unknown.

it is always hard knowing what ticks the other. and yes you will be doing it again since you are in transition. there is that element of surprise as you go by again. "what to do and what not to do" is another question that keeps lingering. an uncertain period it surely is.

but transition periods usually determine how the future will be. whether you will be happy or not depends on how well you handled a transition period.

expect me not to back down during this period... coz i won't... my stable existence will remain stable and it will not be shaken. i won't allow it. it will pass and we will all be on our wings flying. but unlike icarus who fell, we will soar and be successful.

lusang gitisud

bisan ug asa ka pa anaa, naa gyuy mga panahon na wala kay lingaw. dinhi sa japan, kay pwerte man ka paspas sa internet, aw natural, ang among buhaton aning mga alaut na panahon kay may kalabutan sa internet.

sa usa ka adlaw'ng alaot, na bore gyud ko. ambot unsay nisulod sa akong utok atong mga panahuna nga nag-apil-apil man ko ug chatroom. pwerte sad nakong lingawa hinuon kay aligre man sab kaayo ang mga gipangchat sa mga tawo. pero mao lagi na, pareho sa kasagarang chatroom daghan sad kaayo mag flirt-flirt. nalibog gyud ko pero karong panahuna murag tanang tawo kay bigaon na man siguro oi. sorry kaayo sa term pero ambot oi, kung walay biga kay di man siguro managhan ang chatroom. aw naa sad bayay mga tarong sa sugod, pero biga ra gihapon ang padulngan (kasakit! naunay ko. wahahhaa).

nag hilom-hilom pa ko pag-una; lisod baya ning wala ka kahibalo pa kung unsay mga kalihukan. unya silang tanan kay murag dugay nang kaila baya. nagbasa-basa ra sa ko ug mga messages ug nagsigi ug agik-ik. sa wa lang damha nagreply na ko ug "lol @ pangan". mura ra sad ni'g akong kalaki sa facebook sad ba na kusog kaayo mo like. well unsaon ta man na wala may like sa chat gud. pwerte gyud nakong pagkalingaw sa ilang mga gipang isturyahan.

ug sa dihang naay ni message sa chatroom na nangita daw siya ug friend, kinsa daw ang ganahan. aw nimessage ra sad ko na ganahan ko. sa laktod na pagkaisturya, nag chat na mi sa skype. o sosyal, nag skype-skype na. sturya mi ug work, iyang uyab, ug iyang mga plano sa kinabuhi. ug kay naglisod baya ko'g filipino gamay, nagsige ra gyud ko ug ngisi. amaw-amawan lang ang show ba. nagpakita dayon siya ug pictures niya sa facebook, ug niingon na "ang panget ko no?". aw ang ako sad, care ko kung panget  na friendship ra baya gyud akong tuyo. ako na lang sad giclick. kung laing tawo ang motan-aw ato for sure normal ra gyud to na nawng. unya unsaon ta man na hilason man ko, taas-taas baya ko ug standards unya di man gyud siya kapasar... naglibog na dayon ko kung unsay itubag. alangan man sad ug ingnon nako na "ahh ikaw to? sige busy pala ako, chat you next time na lang". honest gyud diay siya, ako na lang gi-ingnan na "ahh ikaw to, angayan lagi imong uyab. (in filipino of course. bwahahhaha)". 

ug sa dihang nikalit na man siya ug ingon na love na daw ko niya. hala! kakuyaw! murag usa ka oras pa gani ta nagchat, unya diba naa man kay uyab? tanga-tangahan mode nasad ko, aw gikataw-an lang sad nako. palihis topic, gisukit-sukit ug maayo sa iyang uyab. nitubag ra sad ang kagwang. sa pagkadugay sa sturya, nibalik na sad ug "i love you". samoka! ako sad giingnan, "akala ko ba friends lang hinahanap mo?". ug gireplyan sad ko'g, "may kasunod yun, or a serious relationship. ano ba intindi mo dun?". aw ako ra sad giingnan na abi nako ug friendly relationship. unya nangutana dayon siya kung love sad daw ba nako siya. hala kuyawa! lupig pa man shotgun ani. mura siya'g lusa na lami tusdon (sugod karon, panganlan na siya nako'g lusa). while nagsige siya ug labyu-labyu nako, nagsige sad ug panghatag ug number ang kagwang sa chatroom. nagsige pa gyud ug panghagad ug eyeball sa bisan kinsa na lang tawo. ataka! mao na diay ni lab-lab run, "one-to-many relationship"? nahurt akong pride da, ako sad gireplyan sa chatroom na "go @ lusa". ug ni katawa ra sad. nibalik na sad ug chat nako sa skype na love lagi daw ko niya. ako sad siya giingnan na "di kasi ako naniniwala sa long distance relationship (samot na sa through chat lang no). but we are friends". winner!!! 

hangtud karon kay nagsige lang gihapon mi ug chat. aw don't get me wrong, lingaw man gyud siya ka chat kung dili lang maabot sa labyu-labyu. ako siya na-pangutana once na kung modemand ko na buwagan ang iyang uyab, iya bang buwagan. wow nice kaayo ang tubag, mao daw na ang kondisyon niya sa iyang mga nakarelasyon na dili daw niya buwagan iyang uyab. hala! unsa ni, disclaimer??? "no other woman" ang role nako ani da. bwahahhaha. di ko mabuhi ana oi. possessive baya ko, ang akong ganahan kay ako ra ang center sa iyang attention. kacute ra nako ah, dapat na siya makontento nako oi!

nalibog sad gyud ko kung nganong naa gyu'y mga tawo na feeling kaayo na god's gift to humanity sila. love as many as you can... share yourself to all... ang problema pa gyud kay kaning mga tawhana kay dili pa gyud kaayo mga ambongan. haller!!! lusa ra ka oi, wa ka nalipong??? "one-to-one" ra man gani si anne curtis ug si erwan(feeling close?!?!?!?!).

blinders

is it right to reflect your anger to others? is it right to burst out to people who haven't done you wrong?

i don't think so.

but i guess i have done this a couple of times myself, i admit.

when things don't go your way, i don't think it is right to blame them to others. i always think that things happen because of our own doings. that is why a coward like me do not go that far, for if i do i know i will fall off this flat disc of an earth. but you who have gone far should have known that it is painful once you fall back to the ground. for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction, even physics knows that. so how come it seems that people haven't learned this yet?

i always try to be centered on matters like this and i know that people have limits. but can you please look into yourself first before getting angry at the world? reexamine your deeds and discover the reasons of things. take off those blinders for once and see where people are coming from. it is really quite unfair to hear stuff even you yourself find hard to speak of. you are only seeing your path, be responsible okay. when people tell you words, you immediately clam up and start barking. come on. i get it that you don't want to be told so i stopped. stand up in what you believe in if you insist but do not put down others nor use your powers to bring them harm. what a mighty pen, or keyboard rather. but i know that somewhere down in that smoke filled body, there is still a human who knows right from wrong. be the better man.

words hurt.

reality check

for some reason, i need to expand my horizon once again.

i don't want to be stuck with the now yet, no way. now how would i do that?

it's time for some reality check first.

1. hello innocente, you don't always get what you want.

• to whoever told me that i can, you are absolutely wrong. i don't. for if i did, i would have a better hunkier body. i'm not complaining with my chunks now, but i could do more. i am a work in progress. only abnormal people have perfect bodies right away.
• and you know what, i could have been in the arms of someone right now. but boohoo, i am not. so nada. there it goes. puff!

2. hello innocente, do not assume that all people are like you.

• not all are as happy natured as you are. not all are as loyal as you are. not all are of the same wavelength as yours. you just have to accept this fact. you just have to lower your expectations or you will only get disappointed. do not expect much from the people around you. you just can't. remember that not all can take the greatness of who you are. better hold that head high and face the world head on. you bitches are plain bitches. wahahahaha. welcome the best bitch in town. wahahaha.

3. hello innocente, be always prepared.

• you don't know what these people's true motives are. these are all thinking people, not like you. and why do i always end up relying on feelings? use your brain for once. life is too short got to live it long. do not be taken advantage of. there are some things better left unsaid or they will fire back taking some form which will eventually cause some tragedy.

and what spurred this all?

you do not need to know.

district higashigotanda represented.

welcome to the hunger games.

those little nothings missed

for a little over than a week now, i have been working my butts off as if there is no tomorrow. in just that short span of time, it makes you realize the importance of small things.

1. i miss eating dinner together with my housemates
• it is not the eating per se but more on the small talks that comes with it. i haven't spent much time with them yet. solong solo ko na sana ang mga ito pero ngayon pa talaga naging ganito ka busy. hay buhay, napakamapaglaro mo talaga. gusto ko nang laruin ang mga housemates ko. parang ang sagwa pakinggan pero go pa din.
2. i miss lunch time with my officemate
• and he happens to be a housemate as well. last resort ko na sana ito para malaman ang mga kaganapan sa loob ng bahay ng mga aliping saguiguilid(metaphor lamang po, of course our situation is nowhere near the aliping saguiguilid status). and there it goes, my last resort just puffed. i miss the short non-work related break. i miss the going-to-the-combini-together-to-buy-snacks. i miss our happy days and our happy times. if we were only in the same room then it would have been ok. this really sucks. (oi oi oi... pampakilig ra ni na number actually. bwahahahha.)
3. i miss the nonsense chat with online friends
• what else can i say, i have been spending the whole time trying to plan this project out. thinking hurts you know. and trying to explain yourself in another language is triple the headache. i have not experienced anything close to this i think(if you know me you would know that this is an exaggeration. there are so many other things more TROUBLEsome than this).
4. i mss my online drama and online anime
• i haven't seen my korean and japanese stars(both human and drawn) for a long time now.
5. i miss my japanese class and test
• usually, meron akong 1 hour class na nihongo sa umaga. eh paano ngayon yan ni wala nga akong oras para uminom ng tubig. ay oo nga pala, miss ko din ang uminom ng tubig. balik muna tayo sa test. ang hirap naman din kasi nitong mga kanji na ito. kung madali lang eh di sana hindi din ito tatagal ng isang oras din. pero nakakamiss din pala. gusto ko nang maging grade 5(mga kanji na pang grade 4 pa lang kami ngayon).
6. i miss drinking water
• as i'ce said earlier, nakakalimutan ko nang uminom ng tubig. i usually drink 3 bottles of water but i can't hardly finish one right now. my mind is always somewhere else that it can no longer trigger my hand to grab the water bottle for me to drink.
7. nakakamiss din mag blog
• as if palagi din akong nagboblog. pero miss ko talaga siya ngayon. at least dati nakakapagisip ako, "ano kaya ang magandang iblog? hmmm... paano kaya isulat yun? hmmm... eh meron kayang babasa? hmmm... ay h'wag nalang, tinatamad ako." o diba may choice. pero ngayon, "ano nga yang blog?".

but then at the end of the day (night i mean), i am still alive. and as the song says, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... stronger...

hay.

i'd rather go to the gym and be stronger than experience this whole thing. but since i am a little masochistic, i guess this is fine. gosh, i am full of contradictions.

memories of yesterdays

I just saw "the vow" and wow, it struck me in a way. How misserable could life be if suddenly someone forgets about you? How painful could it get if the one you love don't even recognize you anymore? and somehow, this felt not so foreign to me at all. In a way, i have experienced the same. It is not as life changing as car crashes nor amnesia. But still i can relate to some extent.

All of a sudden everything changed. It got bland. It's as if the past got totally erased from his mind. we were so close back then and then suddenly, bam!, goodbye. and it hurts so badly seeing him suddenly change. it pains me that he no longer talks nonsense to me. i don't know what triggered it. i don't know what the catalyst of the change was. but i do know the pain after. and the worst part was that he was totally healthy; no head injuries, no amnesia. totally healthy and even getting fatter each day.

we were not in a relationship. so how much more painful could it be in "the vow"'s case? i just can't imagine and i don't want to have the same fate. but then in the movie, the character tried and succeeded. and became happy again for regaining their past happiness. but for my case, err.... yeah i tried. and we talked about it. he reassured that nothing changed. but yet... deep in me i knew that it was not the same. from then i lost faith... the joy was good while it lasted... it will serve nothing but a memory and a lesson well learned. but don't get me wrong, i am happy now.

this really sucked. for bringing back those memories. for making me write about him again, "the vow" must really be effective. "the vow" was a painful journey but yet it ended happily. who doesn't want a movie to end on a good note? everyone wishes for a happy ending, don't we?

the art of breaking up

when things get tough, what do you usually do? when things don't go the way you planned, how do you usually react? when relationships get sour, how do you spice it up?

i don't know what i'll do if it were me. i'd probably fight back. i'd probably try to save everything. i'd probably search for what i could have done better. i'd probably act on them and regain what i once had. i'd probably face reality and not try to hide from it. no more drama. this is war.

but, it isn't my story. it is not about me. but if it were true, good thing no one cried. if it were true, the timing is so perfect it seemed not real. the curse of being away must really be true, i was a victim too.

i can't help but wonder, what went wrong? but i'm never gonna ask; let things unfold as i witness them. here comes the denial stage. go things! unfold some more.

disclaimers

and who would have thought this is how the pieces would fit?

i started blogging way back friendster time. and then i blogged in multiply. and finally here in blogspot. friendster closed so i imported all my entries to here. but i still haven't figured out how to import my entries from multiply.

i usually write when i am bothered by something: pushed by emotions i felt. this explains most of the outburst entries in this blog. i haven't cared who my readers were; i only wrote my feelings. i was confident that no one would read this blog but unfortunately, people did.

i am thankful that people are appreciating this minimal blog but people from work have started reading as well. and that makes it scary. i was expecting a few to read but not that much. i also have already forgotten what i wrote; which makes it even more scary. wahahahha. goodbye to my small reputation. wahihihihi.

now, how do i proceed from here? hmmmm... just carry on. just for a bit i forgot that a blog is never private so until this much is expected. news do travel faster by mouth. to my reader's, avid or not, just keep the entries to yourself OK. OK! if i only knew who of my colleagues read this then it would be easier to hunt them down. wahahahha.

ps: now that i'm back in japan, i might talk more of japan. and who would have thought that i would someday be wearing a suit for work? it is not a daily thing though but it happens weekly. i still have to practice much with the necktie. if only ancient people didn't invent this troublesome piece of cloth then i would have been happier. wahihihihi. my boss himself taught me how to tie; so troublesome of me.

to the sinulog haters

it saddens me to see people commenting negative stuff specially regarding faith. there are so many ways to express faith. and so many ways to express devotion. some of these may not be to your liking.

i admit that some people's action may seem fanatical. i sometimes even raise an eyebrow on these. but i will never judge them. and let me extend that to all, no one has the right to judge them. we do not know what these people have been through, we certainly do not know whatever hardships they may have encountered. yes, some express their thanks too much. some are too showy of their wishes. but no one can really box in the standards of how to express faith. if that is how best they say thanks, then let us be thankful that people still know how to express their gratitude. if that is how best they pray for any wishes, then let us be glad that after everything people still go back to God. why do we have to see only the negative? why do we have complain even when these people are not hurting others? and why do some even make fun of other's beliefs?

let us all be open minded guys. it is a festival and people from all walks of life are converging in the city. we should not generalize the festivity only because there are some who do stuff you do not agree on. i sometimes find waving a hand during a song a bit over the top. i simply don't do it. but it doesn't mean that i have less faith than them who wave. maybe if something really really big happens to me, i may see the waving as an extra added boost that everything will be okay in the end. people's actions are driven by their experiences. you may see it radical but that is just how they are with the experiences they have.

it really hurts me to see those comments making fun of it all. why can't we just be happy that people still believes in God? why can't we be happy that in this modern age and twisted way of living, people still have faith? open mindedness is the key to it all. let us all be happy and thankful. let us stop the criticisms and hate.

to everyone, let us just be reminded of the real essence of this festival. hope you are there not only for the party and fun. pay homage to the core of the Sinulog celebration as well.

Viva Pit Senyor!

6 patches

6 things to patch is OK, am i not right?

waiting with friends is the hardest; we were supposed to start at 2. she was a bit sarcastic too. i know how you feel but you don't have to shove it in our faces. just contact the damn thing and tell us if you can't do it now. i hate to wait. and i hate to wait not knowing whether we will be served. might as well tell us now so we can find someone else. this was even a trick for i was expecting a handsome man to do the honors. but i kept my cool, i was never the bold one.

sitting in a narrow space is even worse. i can't even extend my legs to the fullest. and there is this eerie feeling of nothingness in that place too. good thing the tv was on. at least i was singing along with the show. and there were magazines. damn, all were old issues. what can i get from cosmopolitan? tons of stuff about dealing with your man, touching your man, teasing your man, giving him the best pleasure and ecstasy... but i can't relate. i am single. in fact i have never had a loving relationship, nor a sexual one. no one dared to take me and i never bothered.

we were called in one by one. the squeaky, tingling, annoying sound is a bit hard to take. it didn't help at all. i was even more nervous. out came one and i was left alone in that cramped holding area.

it must have been a good 20 mins before my time came. i was prepared to answer her questions; it was 3 years ago, i could have said. but she didn't ask. is she serious about this? she just started her thing. there was no pep talk, we proceeded as planned. i guess she was tired--what horror could she have witnessed earlier? i hope i won't add to that. and there goes that tingling sound again.

finally she talked. and gave her advice and findings. 6 patches needed. i was a bit shocked. only 6? in 3 years, just 6? amazingly unbelievable. the other had 11 and 15 but i have 6.

enough...

i need to come back sometime for this. i would have liked to finish it all now but she can't. and there goes that lame excuse again, it was hard to contact the agent. but i  totally get it. no worries, i will be back.

then i felt squeaky clean... or rather my teeth were.

that dentist actually did a great job. but i need to come back for the 6 fillings.

more to come then...

as the years go by

i can't help but wonder... ano kaya ang mangyayari kung naging kami?

wahahahha. wishful thinking lang naman, ano ba kayo. hayaan nyo na ako. kung bakit ba kasi ang torpe torpe ko. ni di ko nga magawang sabihin sa kanya what i'm feeling inside. di gaya ng iba dyan na kung meron mang nararamdaman ay raratsada na agad. hay nako. why is it so hard for me to do the same?

hanggang tingin na lang siguro ako. hanggang silip... hanggang imahenasyon... hanggang... oi over na 'to. baka anong sabihin ng iba dyan. wholesome po ako. kahit makita ko lang ang mga mata nyang nangbibighani habang iniisa-isa nyang hinuhubad ang suot nyang damit ok na sa akin yun. ooops. bweset na keyboard, kahit ano sinusulat. anyway, nakakatunaw kasi mga mata nya. ohhh your eyes your eyes uh uhm uh uhm... shining... (di alam ang lyrics, pasensya). at ang ngiti... bakit ba kasi ganito mga type ko? stop it! stop it!

kung naging kami siguro, buhay ang mundo ko. i'm not saying that it is dead now. i'm not even saying that it is not colorful. well, i think you could say that it would have been brighter and enjoyable. never monotonous. always fun. hmmm... baka magka anne curtis moment din ako, yes i enjoyed it and i'm sure the feeling is mutual.

teka teka, ang layo na nang narating ng utak pero zero sa reality. hay. ikaw naman tumingin sa akin o. kakapagod nang sumilip eh. kahit once lang tapos mag smile ka lang... kodak moment na. wahahahha. hintayin mo na lang ang pag-gigym ko. maaakit ka din ng mga muscles ko. wahahha. bola. at nanaginip na nga ng gising. tinuloy na talaga.

sige lang. libre lang naman mangarap. at ayaw ko din namang mang-agaw kung may nagmamay-ari na (cristine in purple, ikaw na nga). hay buhay. i-blow mo na ang candles mo at ng matigil na ang ilusyon. ay bibili pa pala ako ng cake. bye na muna.

blog imports

finally i'm done with all my friendster blogs. i guess i'll need to check on each just to see if the font color is readable against my background. but basically, i'm done. my friendster blogs are:

• starting this this (trial)
• and ends up with this (58 suliran ni bossing niadtong 10-30-2008...)

while reading the entries, there were some bits and pieces missing. bits and pieces started with my friendster entries but then only the endings were in my blogger entries. that actually made sense because i also had a multiply blog. the multiply entries sort of, revealed the transition. i just found that out coz i read them again. somehow, a part of me was missing in this blog site. i'm not quite sure if you care but if you do, i'm in deep shit!!!

now here is the biggest issue. if possible, i would also like to import my multiply blog in here too to complete the picture. but unfortunately, this is quite hard. it seems that multiply does not have an exporter. multiply doesn't want me out. multiply wants to keep my missing pieces. waaaa... 53 entries in multiply is missing. well, not all necessarily unique--i have duplicates in both blogger and friendster. but i want them back.

help guys!!!

friendster

before facebook, there was friendster. was an avid friendster user and was a frequent friendster blog writer. but everything must come to an end. my friendster activities lessened when i joined multiply... dwindled when i started blogger... and completely died when i opened facebook. so when i heard of the impending site closure, it was never a shock.

friendster has had its days. of course it did. it was the eye-opener of my social networking hobby and the first to receive my unedited words. what i immediately tried to save were the photos and my blog entries. unfortunately, the latter is still very hard to do. i have tried the exporter for 7 times now and still i can't retrieve my blog. i would be very happy if someone can help me with this.

my very first blog entry was dated september of 2006. never have i imagined to be blogging for 5 years now. and knowing me, surely i have written just about anything--driven by intense emotions mostly. 61 entries all in all, that is more than expected. so again, please please please cooperate friendster! give me back my words, i want them back.


afterword: and i thought friendster would quit by end of may. but isn't it june already? maybe it is waiting for me to retrieve my file.


update: just a day after my post, i immediately received a response on how to retrieve friendster blog. well i still have to try it. thanks @jp. please visit the site in here.

update2: it worked!

double standards

for people like me who has unhealthy scalp, salon experts recommend scalp treatment. of course, i took it. i am still too young to be bald. i don't want to be bald yet. though it is in my genes, i don't want it to happen now. no no no... gosh, back to the topic.

so one day i went to "tony and jackey" to get the scalp treatment. it was a nice salon with good service. but hairdressers were all koreans. i have no complaints on koreans, don't get me wrong. they cut hair well and have an out of this world style. but i do feel a little frustrated that filipinos now hire koreans to style their hair in the philippines. hmmm... but i still support the salon. i am such a hypocrite.

the salon has filipino assistants attending to the desires of the korean hairdressers. the korean hairdressers only cut the hair and guide the assistant on all the procedures needed. so there i went at around 11am to have my treatment. the assistant shampooed my hair and then applied the treatment, heated it up via a bubble shaped heating machine, and then shampooed again, and finally dried it up ready for cutting. it was around lunch time when the hairdresser finally got to me.

i just asked her to trim my hair shorter. she cut my hair as expected. massaged a little as expected. but then, she continued the treatment (this should have been done by the assistant), massaged my head some more, massaged my face, massaged my neck and then my back. it was enough to ask, do they also offer body massages in here? it was a super nice experience but it was not the usual. i've had 4 treatments before in the same salon but it was not like this. it was so good to the point that i thought bad of the korean stylist. it seemed that a good service was only made because she was asking for a "tip". she even waited by the doorway after i paid as if waiting for the "tip".

but my double standards surfaced. i paid the amount and "tipped" the filipino assistant, but not the korean hairdresser. most of the huge sum i paid would surely go to the hairdresser and the assistant would only get a small portion of it. i pity the filipino assistant and i would rather give more to her than to anyone else. call it double standards but i don't want to receive good service just to get a "tip". why won't they treat all customers the same? do i smell of money? does my face spell money? i don't like that. good service should be for all.

now, just for the benefit of the doubt, maybe she fancies me. i don't look bad, so maybe i am here type. too bad she isn't mine, i have higher standards. wahahahha.

the trial post

due to unforeseen company policies, blogspot is now blocked in favor of twitter. i don't really have any complaints though since i am using both. but honestly, there are a lot more information you can get from blogspot. i guess it's marketing strategy.

and this is the result, i enabled the mail posting.

so fresh, so young... my virginity ends now. for this feature, that is.

peace out

bummed for the third time

for the third time.... nada!

what does that mean?

i'm not that good enough to be on that train. they preferred that i rot stuck on a tree than bail me out.

oh well, i should have shouted for help stronger. but i didn't. maybe i also preferred to rot stuck. but if they really do need me, they should have forced their way. they have done the same for the others but never for me.

always a candidate but never made it. always considered but never acquired.

i don't think i can afford a fourth nada. if you do consider me again, just keep it to yourselves. a surprise would be better. and then i'll probably surprise you with a big NO!

time to reconsider offers.

the long fought battle is won

well this is not a literal battle. its more like a clash of ideas.

i'm just glad they will finally come home. i'm glad they will still go back there when all of this ends. but i'm frustrated at how dirty this business can get. i can't help but feel like mere pawns sometimes; i can't help to feel like toys. we too have emotions for christ's sake... we have feelings... we have lives... we have families... we are human. and with this long battle, i can't help but feel helpless. the trust i gave was crushed. i trust them with my life and that they will take care of me in times of troubles like this. but now, it seems they were only focused on impressions, status, money. i'm not directly affected, i am only a witness. but these actions are forever etched in my soul. i'm quite sure the same thing will happen if it were me. i just cannot trust them with all my heart.

at least it is over. the decision has been made. they will be back! but for sure they are left with emotional scars. frustration...

it is over for now. let's tackle this some other day.

irritants

what do i do when someone gets on my nerves?

ignore. ignore. ignore.

i've got lots of problems to handle, you don't need to be part of them.

don't ever ever be friendly with my again. let me rest for a week, and maybe, just maybe, i'll deal with you again. i don't easily get irritated but when i do, it's pretty long term.

listed in black/block list, a big check mark.


bye.

goodbye

after a few days of separation, yes it is now bugging me.

many things have changed.

hope i will learn to cope with this fast, i know i will. i have dealt with lots of separation and this is no exception.

hope you are well over there.

baha sa dalan

alas otso beynte kwatro na

aw, nakaligo na man sad ko ba.

di na ko ganahan maligo usab oi!

busa ikaw uwan, hunungi na.

maghinay-hinay na lang sa ko

layo-layo pa bitaw ang oras no.

maghuwat lang sa ko na motuang-tuang

kay sa mabasa, magkasakit pa lang.

ug sa dihang nikusog man hinuon ug maayo

sure mo'ng uwan pa ni ug dili bagyo?

ang among balay mura na ug castilyo

gipalibutan ug tubig, lalom pa gyud kaayo.

akong mama naglibog ko'g nganong pwerting lingawa

wa ko nahimutang oi, ako gyung gipangutana.

ang dalan lagi daw sa atubangan, matud niya

murag sapa nga sulog pwerte pa gyung hugawa.

sa pagka alas onse y medya, hala sige larga.

niundang na ang uwan ug ang tubig ninghunas na,

akong sapatos dili na mulangoy parehas ganiha.

adto na gyud ko sa trabaho, sa taman makigchika.

hala! alas dose na lang wala pa ko kasakay da.

ang mga taxi na walay sakay asa na man kaha?

sa eskina sudlon, agi na kamo intawon

gikapoy na ko ug tindog, kapoy na ug huwat manong.

hay salamat ug nakasakay na ko finally.

nakalingkod na akong lubot, dukaon na ko ani.

bang! pagka traffic. kahinay sa dagan.

akong gihunahunang laag gamay, napapas, nahawan.

baha ngadto baha ngari, sure mong sugbo ni?

pagkatoytoy ba gud diay sa canal ani.

ang tax nakong gibayran ba, asa diay napunta?

hinaot unta dili ra sa mga politikanhong bulsa.

kinse, beynte, trenta minutos na...

pagkalayo pa sa padulngan, pagkadugay ba.

ikapila na nagheadbang akong ulo sa kaduka

kanusa man ni maabot oi? piskot na baha.

ang taxi kong gisakyan sa pagpatak nagsige lang

pwerte na ganing lapasa sa bayranang naandan.

hoi! pasutoya mi'g agi ang dalan hawani

basin sa kwarta ko sensilyo lang ang mahabilin niini.

maayo nalang tag30 pa ang akong nasakyan

naa ra ba toy plano na sa 40 patas-an.

asa ka na human sa usa ka oras na pagdagan

130 and nipatak ug akong nabayran.

pagkadimalas, pagkapait na lang.

nalate pa gyud ko sa giahak na uwan.

uwanon daw hasta summer ingon akong kauban

mag-andam na lang ko'g barko na sa baha masakyan.