lying around

if going to hell depends on the number of lies you have uttered, surely i would be on a first class ride.

it can't be helped. if i want the work to be done fast, i need to mislead things. but mind you, i didn't lie; i only hid parts of the truth, i diverted attention to other things instead. oops, isn't that lying???

if only everything was planned right... if only the odds for error were calculated... there wouldn't be a need to lie. if only i were more proactive... but how can i when my powers are limited. remember that i am but a slave.

poor slave...

can the slave just lie in bed with someone instead of telling lies????

poor slave...

meow meow

what would you do if you want to know the reason behind things?

i have asked regarding this recently. i have always wondered the why's of things. i'm not sure what it will do but my brain just wont stop without knowing the reason. i really don't care if the truth is nasty but my personality is not the type who settles without knowing.

a friend advised to just let things be. you cannot control all things. remember that curiosity killed the cat.

and to my surprise, i told her....

curiosity may have killed the cat, but it killed a satisfied cat.

oh man!!! words of wisdom...

author's warning: the above is not applicable to all. so, handle with care.

ire

there is a limit to things.

this i have believed. no one has an unfathomable patience... this i have lived. i have always kept this in mind so i can stop when it's too much. i have also extended my patience to such extent that i usually laugh only at things... but there are really times where things get into my nerves. there are times where you wished you had just stopped before it crashed and hurt yourself...

it irks me up when i talk and it seems like i'm talking to a wall. do you get what i mean? when i tell something, i want interaction. at least confirm that you heard what i was saying. i don't want to waste my time and energy explaining something to a brick wall. i don't even know if you are listening at all. when you talk, i do listen and give my feedback. i want the same when i talk. it's too unfair for me...

another thing is when i'm trying to make a point and instead i'm made fun of. this pisses me. please know when it's time for jokes and when it is not. why can't you tell where the limit lies? you have stepped out of bounds, poured liquid beyond the cup's limit.

i don't get mad easily but when i'm mad don't you dare talk to me... i'll only stay silent...

i'll be silent for now.

talk to you later when i cooled down...

bye.

exhausted

i'm so so tired....

a comrade asked me recently, are you happy with your life? back then, i was happy... i still saw something to be happy in this mundane life of mine... back then i was philosophical.. no one is satisfied with their life because man is insatiable.. i too am insatiable but i'm happy discovering how insatiable i can become... i got that simple thought... though i am in constant rant, believe it or not, i am happy...

but don't you dare ask the same question now... i will only accept it as sarcasm...

this is so tiring...

oh please, give me a break...

i need a day-off...

cells need to rest...

painfully unforgettable

till now, i can still recall pieces of hurtful incidents every time i see him... no matter how hard i try to forget things, they are still there... when i thought that it doesn't matter anymore, the moment i see his face everything returns and the feeling is relived. and then i get sad once more... and i self pity... and get angry sometimes...

why won't this brain forget it??? just let it be.. leave him alone... it seems like every time i see him, a dam-ful of emotions is released... hey brain, you have always been my ally. everyone praised your ability to retain information... but that same characteristic of yours is killing you now... why can't you let this small past spill over???

and he looks so normal, as if nothing happened... unlike me who is suffering.

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i guess this must be resolved fast... my brain is telling me that i won't be truly satisfied by merely ignoring the person's existence...