sugarcoated lips

there i was... staring at something somewhere far. then suddenly this man came. i called him up and said hi. he recognized me and came to me.

and here he comes.

closer.

and closer...

hey this is too close better stop now, i thought.

his face was just inches from mine.

and then he kissed me...

gosh... it must have been great coz i kissed back. it was a long passionate kiss. i must have savored each moment of it. then reality struck me, and pushed him back.

i felt rather shy when it ended and asked him why. he just said that there were white-sugary stuff on my lips and he wanted to clean it up. and then kissed me again for the second time to clean it up completely.

i was in awe--puzzled to what just happened.

but he just smiled. such a sweet smile it was...
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then i woke up.

weird dream. the sweet kisser was an office mate. never expected that but then dreams are nothing but dreams.

went to work and there he was.

boracay

gosh, it is so hot. but yet so great.

powdery white beaches that stretches like a couple of kilometers met me for the first time. wow.

had a funny experience though. i was infatuated with this lean gym fit guy i saw at the beach. he was with two other men who were equally stunning. saw them a couple of times before and we saw them again yesterday afternoon. they were taking pictures by the shore at sunset-- the perfect time for taking pictures. we passed by them and my friend heard mr sexy body say:

ayyy... di kita yung water. (oww... can't see the water)

in the most lamest, gayest accent possible. gosh. you really can't judge a book by its cover now.

more to come from the powdery shores of boracay.

temporary boredom

in my 24years of existence, i have been thinking again. it's not that i am so bored today to even start this alien "thinking" hobby. yes i am bored but don't get me wrong, this thinking did not spark from there. though i admit, boredom may be a catalyst.

i have been thinking, why am i this bored today?

then i realized that i am not mentally challenged in my work now. i have lost interest. it has become a routine and i have been avoiding that from the start coz i know that this might mean the end. there is nothing out of the ordinary, everything seems normal and lifeless.

even my colleagues are leaving one by one. though i don't want to be left alone, but i can't stop them. it really is better for me to leave than be left behind. i just hate the feeling. i was so accustomed to them being around and then they fall. it is frustrating.

and then i thought, possibly i'm burnt out. i have been working all my life even before i graduated from the university. this is probably the downside of having some "brilliant" mind (self acclaimed).

and then...





(*stopped writing and found something interesting to do)

affair to remember

now that i'm leaving japan, i don't want to have any regrets. i want to try all things i can think of; i want to try the things i can only do in here. and now that i'm leaving for good, i finally had the courage.

i met a special friend last saturday. that went unexpectedly easier than i thought. i never had any expectations of what to come. though i hesitated to meet at first to meet him (i'm an insecure being with lots of insecurities), but there is really nothing to loose.

we met at ginza, the expensive district. i needed to buy something which was only sold in there. he was not so sure of ginza as well, we were completely lost. it was awkward at first, first meetings are always like that i suppose. we ate pasta and talked our introductions. i'm not used to these things; it is hard for anti-socials to start a conversation. he always smiled, i guess he was as nervous as i am. i just laughed; acted shy. i really felt shy at that time. we started talking but still it was awkward.

we moved to shinjuku, he guided me to a district in there. gosh. eye opener. japan is so open to these stuff. it was great seeing people there with no care in the world. but it was scary as well, experiencing something new is always scary. i bet it would be more lively as night falls. we entered a shop and explored.

then came karaoke. i didn't know about him but i'm a little confident in my singing. this is my world, i thought. i sang my heart out. heartbreak songs are always emotional and i got lots of those emotions: i'm leaving japan and i'm leaving my independent life. who wouldn't cry for those reasons? i guess my feelings transpired: he admired my singing. it was such a great time and i'll never forget it.

parting is such a hard thing to do. parting a new found friend is even harder. it hasn't even started but it ended abruptly. but it was all fine. at least i went out, i thought.

lesson of the story, do not be afraid to explore. life is a tightrope.

face issues

just when i thought everything is over, here they come again. and this time i'm really bothered by it. i don't know what to do anymore, these pimples won't go away.

i hate to see myself in the mirror now. they are just so many. now i understand how these small stuff can lessen ones ego. i am even afraid of facing the world now. when i meet people all i could think is that, are they looking at my pimples?

and what's even worse, my pimples are so many in between my brows. this makes me more anxious since talking to people means looking at them in the eyes. and they could all see these horrendous things popping. so red.

i want to rest for one week and go back to work only when these things clear out. and with this state, that would probably mean not going to work for a long time.

it is so hard to face the world.