confused, pondered, relaxed

lately, i got the tightest schedule ever. i have worked for like 16 hours a day. is this even right??? where is my human rights for god's sake???? and when weekend came, i would have been satisfied with staying at home lazing around. but no. my housemates got plans and i was dragged again. it was fun though. i was never the planning type but rather the driftwood one--just goes with the flow wherever it may take me. 

so off we went to the beach last saturday. i had so much fun. a friend told me that you have to enjoy both the bodies and the sea when in the beach. unfortunately, i didn't. i was but a child enjoying the sea and the waves and the sun. what bodies was he talking about??? i did enjoy the big body of water in front of me though.

and just when i thought the other plan won't push through, we were immediately on the train heading there. after tiring our muscles, we will destroy our vocal chords. an all-nighter singing is up next. we entered the karaoke room at 11pm saturday. then there was singing... and then there was some dancing and singing... and then drinking and singing... and then suicidal-heartbreak-song singing... and then screaming... then jargon-unknown-unheard of-gibberish-words singing... and then the raspy, husky, no-more-voice singing. we went out at 5am, sunday. i haven't slept at all and i couldn't believe i sang for 6 hours: i sang the whole time with or without the mic. i had the weekend of my life. i never got to rest but all the tension was released. it is all but a positive feeling.

right after all the hysteria, i got to think. of all the good topics i could have chosen, i thought about love and relationships. wow. was this inspired by "just once" of james ingram i sang hours ago? or was it "total eclipse of the heart"? or perhaps "alone" by heart?

i got to think deep and hard, am i satisfied being single? i want to be loved. i want to be longed for. i want to be needed. i want to be taken care of. and i want to likewise do the same to the other. i want to wake up in the arms of another. i want to share my little happenings in life and share the simple joys life can bring. but in as much as i would have loved to gain those things, i am likewise afraid to handle the pain. it is not always bliss in a relationship. there are hardships, as proven by the hundreds of blogs i am following.

ideally, that is what i wanted. all in a dream though. in reality, i am not doing anything at all. what a sloth. i still haven't found the need to be in a relationship. i am too lazy to even think of getting one. i am just waiting to stumble on it. as a blogger had put it, "i want to be a hunter where the prey wants to be eaten", or something like that. what a pity. i am just waiting.. oh i'm sorry, i'm not even waiting because i am not at all anticipating. i am but a speck in the universe where with or without love will still survive. having a relationship would have been better but it is not essential to me now. what a waste... why am i writing this whole block when there was really nothing to write in the first place???

after a day of excitement and pondering, i am now in a day of total confusion. why can't you just say it straight that you want me out of your damn life??? damn it. you told me stuff but then you are doing the total opposite. come on. it is hurting me. it is keeping me from growing this year. it would really be better to say it out loud than keep it inside. stop ignoring me please.

a friend shared earlier that she has been constantly ignoring a person. she is constantly irritated by the person's words so she never replied back... somehow, this made me think about you and i. we rode on the same elevator today but you only gave me your straight face. my all smiley g00d-morning-to-you greeting fell down to basement 1, smashed and stepped on. poor me. i have greeted you enough for this month without even getting your response... i'm tired.. why am i still hurt when i already knew this for months now???

ohh ohhh ohhh

a whirlwind of things...

at least this proves that i'm still alive.

the poopie list

went home really late today... damn work. i had to ride the second to the last train. are they trying to kill me by making me work for 16 hours a day???

in one moment out of those 16 hours, i happened to search my old mails and found this one. it sure brought lots of memories. i really wanted to throw poopie bombs to my masters right now -- i don't care which type it is.

enjoy the...

POOPIE LIST

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

TURTLE POOPIE: The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out

POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.

GAS-SY POOPIE: The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!

DRINKER POOPIE: The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE: (Self explanatory)

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOP POOPIE: The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE: (The Power Dump). The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

LIQUID POOPIE: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

INDIAN POOPIE: The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.

UPPER CLASS POOPIE: The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

so which type did you have recently???

makalolooy = miserable

naa jud pathetic na mga tawo sa world sa?

"look at my pictures. am i not gorgeous? look at the hundreds of photos of me, don't they all look lovely (all having the same plastic smile)? just leave your comments on my pictures and i will surely reply to them right away. i love attention"

- self-centered, praise-digging bitch

"wow! isn't this scene lovely? i'll take your photo. (snaps one right away showing no interest at all). now take mine. (shoots). oh.. can you take my pic again, i look fat in that one?"

- scheming, repay-your-debt user

"oh i am sad. we are having fun but i'm sad. i want to show them all that i'm sad. aren't you sad as well? yeah, please comfort me. be sad with me."

- let's-paint-the-world-black drama queen

"listen to what i gotta say. (chit chat chit chat). i'm done. (puts on ear-plug) i've got no time to listen to you. (sings along badly)"

- jumbo-mega-phone-with-ear-plugs-on

"can you please do this for me? please please... i need your help. i really do. it is just simple. wow thanks. (and it took all your time doing but when you ask a favor back) can you talk to me later, i really don't have the time. (goes back to online chatting)"

- sweet talker, napoleon like leech

i have met all of them. i can't believe how i fell to each of their traps. i should have known better.

now to which do i belong?

"oh, i can't get over it. why oh why??? (the next day) why oh why??? i can't get over it, oh. (day after next) why??? oh, i can't get over it. why??? (etc...) ..."

- auto-self-replaying destroyed disc

now why am i posting this?

to gain your pity of course. how pitiful of me...

pathetic people do exist in the world, right?

close open close

no matter how hard i try to stay awake, i just can't..

my eyes have a mind of their own and they want to close... they won't listen to my brain anymore. it is a very big effort to keep them open even for a minute.

well, who can blame them when they've been awake since 6 am.

help is badly badly badly needed badly badly.....


manager-san is getting irritated of me asking lots of questions. hello manager-san, i am paid to do this. wahihihi

lying around

if going to hell depends on the number of lies you have uttered, surely i would be on a first class ride.

it can't be helped. if i want the work to be done fast, i need to mislead things. but mind you, i didn't lie; i only hid parts of the truth, i diverted attention to other things instead. oops, isn't that lying???

if only everything was planned right... if only the odds for error were calculated... there wouldn't be a need to lie. if only i were more proactive... but how can i when my powers are limited. remember that i am but a slave.

poor slave...

can the slave just lie in bed with someone instead of telling lies????

poor slave...