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Monday, October 30, 2006

sports fest update... (21st century)

the sportsfest pushed through last saturday and i was really glad i came...


im no sports fan, no sports jock, or anything sports related. i think i have no sporty bone in my body but i really enjoyed the day... i came late as planned. (i dont want to participate in the team cheer.) i joined bowling as agreed last friday, though there really was no agreement made because we were forced to join the game but im glad they forced me to join. it was my first game ever. i have no idea how to throw the ball and hit the pins. i dont even know how to hold the ball. but everything was fine... the chit chats here and there kept me alive... as soon as i bowled the ball (i dont know the right term for that), i knew that i will enjoy this... i hit no pin but it was fun... it was fun predicting whether ill hit or not... all in all, i scored 60. thats a low score but for a first timer like me, thats not bad... i dont have beginners luck unlike the others though... i threw balls after balls after balls even after the official game ended... if only my company stayed there, i would have bowled for more hours. our team ranked 2nd after the game and im proud to be part of that... i know that if ill ever attend a sportsfest here again, ill go for bowling again... i want to try it in another place sometime soon...

we then came down to witness the badminton and basketball events... we lost in basketball but were up for championships in badminton. i too played badminton after we got the championship. it was really fun. we were three against three... it really was fun to be just playing there like kids... if only we had 8 rackets, it would have been 4 against 4... so much fun... wahihihihi...

when i woke up yesterday, i felt pains in my body especially on my arms... i cant even lift the basket when we went to buy grocery items... it really hurts... but it was all worth it... the experience, the laughter, and everything... hope it will happen again soon... i really didnt expect to have so much fun... its not actually the winning but just the fun of being there and chatting with people is what matters most to me... have fun...

Friday, October 27, 2006

itlog na, naging bato pa... (20th)

i was in the office and is doing all the regular stuff. i attended nihongo lessons and found out that i really have to review on this. (i already forgot so many words) afterwhich, i went back to my desk... after some time, the electricity stopped... wow... a grace from god... the electricity stopped and it is showing no signs of returning back...


my officemates said that it is also like this in talisay and lapulapu.(another sign that this might take long) we were now chatting, just having a good time... i was really prepared to go home; im just waiting for any announcement. i planned to go to school and maybe arrange my papers; i planned to go malling. 30 minutes or so passed and still nothing. then suddenly, the lights came back........


damn. i was really pissed off... all my plans were broken... my heart seemed to stop pumping for seconds... i just cant believe the turn of fate... damn. i really hope it goes off again...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

nineteenth...

let me tell you what happened the day i was depressed...


i told my friends about it and they advised me to talk it over with someone... i knew it was the right thing to do. but i just dont want to talk it out with someone i knew... i want a neutral person who has no idea who i am... i just want to air out what i was feeling then... and so i went online... i entered a chatroom in ym and 2 people comforted me... it was the longest talk of my life... we started at about 10am or so and ended at 4... they were both from the us... one was an 18 female, the other was a 26 male... we talked my depression away...


i just dont know what was in me that day but i really was depressed... i just dont know... it hit me. i guess i was thinking of my life-- was everything i did/steps i took worth it... that was the main point. and i just found out that there is something deeper to unravel... i have known this for a long time but i just ignored it... it wasn't bothering me before so i never thought much about it... i guess that was the main problem...


anyway, we are having a sportsfest this coming saturday at the cebu city sports club... i have no idea what to do... im not into sports and is certainly not gonna play... i dont know what to do... theyve been scrambling about the team arrangements saying that it was unfair. some teams got all the people good in basketball... the hell to that... is it that important to win in basketball? ive played basketball before but i never enjoyed it though.... so now, the teams were rearranged again and i dont know what my team will be... all im really intersted on is, "can i wear slippers in cebu sports club?"...


can i wear slippers in cebu sports club?






guys please answer that...

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

18th...

kachar sad sa akong gipanuwat gahapon oi... unexpected kaayo to... hay... ngano ba to oi... ako ning pahimuslan ang akong internet... karon ra man ni kutob... so blog sa ko... wahihihihihihi....


makaaddict man diay ni ang blog no.... wahihihihihi....


bye...

Monday, October 23, 2006

second post for the day.... (depression sinks in)

hay, nganong lain man akong feeling karon oi... feeling depressed kaayo... kapoy... ambot lang.... laay kaayo.... ikaduha na ni nako na post for this day and still i feel that i need to post more...



yesterday i watched the free japanese film at ayala and though it was r18 i can't see anything which makes it one... whaihihihihi... okay okay, there were scenes not meant for kids but they were short and were very funny. and it was not on a lustful context.


we, i and shiela, planned to watch the movie together and keep up with each other... (its hard to find real friends you know. especially at my status where i treat everyone as friends, its hard to know who are real.) and we met other UPians there too. UPians must really be a fan of any free movie... wahihihihihihi.... (hope to see them in the next film festivals to come--cine europa, chinese, australian, etc.) its just good to see and hear others doing well after school. i can also see an invisible bond which keeps us UPians together... though im not an active part of the campus, never been to any rallies, never accomplished something worth bragging for the school, i can feel the UP spirit in me...



ive never been very vocal with regards to political or any other issues but i do have a side... i take stand on things... i just dont believe that rallies can make a very big change...  im so sorry but there are just other things that i believe are more effective than rallies... im fed up with all the rallies here and there demanding the administration to step down... but i dont think that stepping down is the real answer to all this... i think if we only start with ourselves, surely there will be a change... anyway, i dont know why im writing about this now or even why im acting this way. i guess im just affected by the blog i just read... the blog of "coconuter".



im sick of all people making everything possible to be close to you just because of the status or anything you have... its plain bullshit... why is this world so dependent on status? why cant we all just live together harmoniously? why do we filipinos have to kiss somebodies ass just to gain a little increase in possition? i dont know why im writing about this but i think im just tired of everything...



why do filipinos regard of anything foreign as something good??? why do they think that when someone goes abroad, swerte? i just dont know... im sick of this system... why is it like that? i dont know... i dont know why im having this outburst even...



hay i dont know.... i just dont know.... maybe im thinking of my future already... maybe im worried of what the future has instored for me... i just want to live peacefully, enjoy the little blessings that come... i actually dont want to achieve much... but i dont know... there is just something in me that me myself dont want to accept... there is something that i dont want to face... there is this void, dark place in me that i want to fill... i want to experience everything... but i havent tried them because of the norms of society... i dont want to stay this way forever... i dont know... there is this hunger for more... there are some things you cant do because of your repuation but damn those reputations... i dont want to be bound.... i want to be free. i want to......


hay... its just now that ive realized that the way ive lived for the past 20years was empty... it was fulfilling but i should have experienced more... and now that im working, i dont know if i still can try them.... i dont know.... i want to try other stuff... i want to explore what else i can do... i dont know... i dont know...



but as much as i would like to try new things, im scared of what might happen... im scared....... im scared... oh god what is this im feeling....

16th...

now that im on my 16th i would like to write something more deeper... lets write something on a more serious note.


i have so many questions that i would like to ask. i have thought about this for so long now but i have never given it much time. i was so focused on so many worldly things as what others may call it. i dont know if im ready to accept the reality that not all things are as good as what they seem they are...



i have three friends whom ive met at the same time way back then. i see one, a, always and we remain friends even until now. the other one, b, ive lost contact with and never saw again. the last one, c, i just met again recently and stayed in touch (i hope). although you would like to be friends with all three always, but things change. i always see a and we were having more or less the same environment. we understand each other and there are things that dont need to be stated but we both know right away. c on the other hand, had a different environment. when c came back, i dont know what to say. i dont know if c would still like to talk of simple things like a and i does. i dont know if c enjoys reminiscing. i just dont know. so i kept quite. and c was quite as well. i dont know if c felt the same.



i met a again and had a great time... we talked of our dreams, future plans and of people we were both acquainted with... and i discovered that a felt the same way of c. how bad...



c seems so distant. our environment and culture have very little common points now. i just miss the old c full of stories and jokes to tell. i miss the old c who has a simple life to talk about. i miss the old c... but i guess the old c will remain in the past. the old c is now the new c who i have no idea on... the new c is a grown up, a more serious c. i dont know if c still jokes, and what these jokes are about. i can really tell c is not into childish stuff now. maybe its the upbringing. c is onto the world while i remained here in the province. i remained simple but c has a wider perspective... i tried to open up with c and maybe get his idea on things, get a glimpse of how c's life is now but c never opened up. i got this feeling that c is pushing me away. maybe c is burrying the past--never remember anything of me.



i guess i too have grown. i may not have noticed it but maybe i did too. but one thing for sure never changed. i never make the first move. im scared to make the first move. im scared to open a conversation. i talk only when people are talking. i feel the mode and vibe of the people first before talking. i just hope i can change that... maybe c felt that i too have changed. maybe its the reason c never spoke.



if ever ill meet b in the future, hope it would be different from that with c. i think its better to not meet at all and have this imagination of us being friends.



this is just one of the many things burried in my heart as of the moment. one thorn is finally removed.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

15th

i feel so happy gyud... as in...


there are just some things worth the risk...


there are just some things worth the wait...


there are just some things to be happy about...


there are just some things unexplainable but you just thank God for granting it...




update: i passed jitse!

Friday, October 13, 2006

14th

god, im #2 in our biggest downloads here in office. damn. but is it my fault that the languages im in have no installers? is it my fault that i'm new to these languages and that i download everything i think will be useful? hay. i never knew that downloads through proxy is not allowed in here. hay... if i have known, i should have been patient with our kiosk. if only i could turn back time... (mukanta ba)


don't tell me, another memo's coming again? i don't like that stuff...


bye...


update: or was it because of too much porn? wahahha. i wonder.

Monday, October 9, 2006

twelfth man guro ni....

kadugay ba anang result sa jitse oi...




kapoy na kaayo think kung nakapasar ba or wala...

Saturday, October 7, 2006

twelfth knight....

buotan gyud diay ko na tawo... i don't keep grudges gyud...

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

eleventh...

gisapot gyud ko karon... ambot lang aning mga tawo na gahi man gyud kaayo... kapoy na kaayo ug huwat na mubalhin, dili gyud mubalhin... asa ka na gipahuwat ko ug oras para lang mubalhin... niingon pa siya daan na dili siya mubalhin di dili sad ta ko mubalhin... mura ra man sad ni ug wala koy buhaton na naa raba gyud koy buhaton... siya ray nabulahan sa wala niya pagbalhin... kakpoy na gyud... ambot lang unsay nasulod sa iyang utok na gahi man gyud kaayo ug ulo... kahibalo ko na naa kay gibuhat dira na kinahanglan gyud mahuman pero hello, tarong ba gud na na ako ang magsuffer kay wala na nimo nahuman? hello... ako na hinuon ang magproblema kay naa pa kay gibuhat? asa na man ang
consensya nimo oi... kapoy na kaayo... salig ka lang kay miga ta imo na lang kong anaon? naa sad koy limit oi... kakapoy na gyud... ayaw sad ug pagabusar sa imong gibati oi... pagdaugdaug na man na imo... inighuman nimo kay muoli na ka pero ako dili pa kay naa pa koy buhaton... kung nibalhin pa lang ka daan ganiha pa, nalipay na ta tnag duha...


nganong naa man gyud mga inconsiderate people... people na ang self ra ang githink... tumban ang tanan para dili lang masipyat... nganong ana man gyud na ang world... unfair na kaayo ni...


bye...

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

decade....

karon pa ko nakaexplore na pwede diay na ichange ang font color ani da... sus, wala man gyud nakaingon nako oi...




nways, nahuman na gyud ang jitse/philnits pag sunday... ako unta dayon to ipost sa blog ang mga panghitabo gahapon pero nag maintenance man ang friendster so wala na lang... grabe ang exam ha... wala gyud koy macompare kay frist gyud to nako... pagkahuman kay ingon dayon sila na mas sayon kaysa paglast daw to... well kung mao toy sayon nila, unsa na lang kaha ang lisod.... wahihihihihihihihih.... wala man sad gyud ko idea oi na ingon ana diay na siya... na grabe diay kaayo ka wordy ang exam... daghan kaayo definitions... hello!!! kinsa man gud ang ganahan magmemorize ug definitions ba? and besides, kinahanglan ba gyud na ang definition of everything? kinsa man gud ang programmer na magmemorize ug definition sa ip address na application man ta diritso... hay... pero kung permi sad siguro ka magdeal anang mga ip address, makabalo man sad guro ka sa... sa kadugayan, maka learn ka sa definition through application... wahihihihihihi... ay sus oi... mao ra gyud na akong comment... grabe ka wordy ang exam... kapuyan na lang ka ug basa dili gihapon ka kagets sa question... so basa na sd ka ug usab, or answer na lang ka ug butikawbutikaw...




mugawas na man kuno ang result ato within 2 weeks... sana na man na makapasar ko oi... gikapoy baya gyud ko ato so dapat makapasar gyud ko... wahihihihihihi... himuon bang basehan sa pagkapasar ang kakapoy... pero excited gyud ko sa result... excited ko makabalo sa akong score... bahalag mahagbong maproud lang gyud gihapon ko kay first experience gud to nako... and BS Math gud ko so challenging kaayo to for me...








ps: naa diay ko nakitan na nitake sad sa exam na murag medical course ang uniform... kana ganing puti. ambot ngano to siya na nitake man... mas challenge to sa iya...wa hihihihihihihi
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