touch. feel. immerse. discovering more of the world to discover true self, this is the adventure of an innocent into the great unknown

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

bliss (kuala lumpur on early 20101125)

we reached kuala lumpur at 4am. everything was silent except the bus driver who was like a dog barking whatever words he could think of. with the analysis of my brain, i think he was telling us to alight the bus. i was in the middle of dreamland when he started barking so when i woke up, everything was unsure. the smell of kuala lumpur is in the air (pun not intended).

from the previous night, we were able to gather 27 ringgits. we had no other money readily accepted in malaysia. we had to get our money changed.

we asked for a money change at the nearest hotel. the "smell" of kuala lumpur is in the air again (pun intended this time). waited for a while just so they can tell us that they won't cater to people not staying there. so out we went and saw our saviour, mcdonalds. we cannot contact our hosts, they sure are still asleep at 4am. we were staying for free at their condo, we should at least respect their sleep. who would be awake except us and the mcdonalds crew??? we had to stay in and wait for the day. with our meager amount, we ordered one coffee. we had no idea where else to go. it seemed we were stuck in kl. luckily, the resto had internet. cool!

Monday, December 6, 2010

aftereffects of a downpour

after the heavy rain, i looked out of my window. everything was flooded. at least the rain stopped but the sun wasn't up yet. and because i live on the second floor, naturally, i could see everything. everything below, i mean.

and then i saw a guy in blue from afar -- quite far but still recognizable. but i don't know my neighbors so i don't know who he was as well. we was just there sitting on some bench. then he stood up and went behind a car. and came back to sit a little while after. that was weird, i thought. he did the same thing twice now.

and then i noticed that he was looking towards the iron fence (galvanized iron). was he peeping??? he was looking through small holes on the fence. and then he stood up again and went behind a parked car. it seemed like he was trying to look over the fence. hmmm... he is peeping!!!

he did the same routine again and again. i kept on looking, wondering what might happen if he gets caught. he just kept on peeping.

and then i realized, just like a eureka. i am doing the same thing. i am also peeping. gosh!!!

Friday, November 26, 2010

questions and more questions

now i get it, it must have been a reconciliation.


so what am i supposed to do?

apparently, nothing.



what am i supposed to feel???

a bit disappointed and betrayed but should i feel this?



how am i supposed to react???

poker face...



what am i supposed to do from now on?

just don't let anyone in. words are poison. no comment from hereon.



should i be happy?

yes you should. ignore those stuff and find your own happiness. buy your own condominium and move out.





i guess i'm done. so bye for now. irritants...

hey, why should i be irritated?

i guess i sympathized too much but it seems it was not worth it.




oh well, you're all grown-ups. leave me out.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

the border experience

had the opportunity to travel to singapore for a few days. luckily, going to malaysia land bound is easier.  so there we went, boarded on a night bus to kuala lumpur from singapore.

after 30 minutes, we arrived at the singapore immigration. the bus driver was never accommodating from the start and this was no exception, he just told us to go down the bus to what seemed like an official building. yes, this was the immigration.

there i stood in front of the officer as she was checking my passport. "where is the white card?", she asked. "in the bus", i replied. "go get it, i'll keep your passport with me", she said. then and there i went out thinking of how much of a failure i was. i should have kept that white thing in the passport. damn... too late.

unsure of what to do, i ran for the bus. but the bus was not there. i asked the other bus driver, he pointed at the other direction. quite unsure of what he meant, i asked again telling him of the bus number this time. he grunted, "wait at the other side". damn. these drivers should learn to be friendly. why can't they do it to a foreigner like me??? who would want to take your bus twice and experience the same thing twice? arrogant bitches.

so there i waited and got my things right away when the bus came. the exit where i came from had red no-entry signs. i decided to run back to the entrance, i don't want to be left behind in this forsaken place. i had to run, i thought. to my surprise, going back to the entrance is a big no no--there were lots of barricades. so i asked the police officers nearby of how to get back in. "go back in from where you came out from". gosh! so i ran back to the exit and made my entrance. this is just so weird, i was a complete failure. i had a total body exercise at 11pm.

went back to the lady officer. she checked my passport again. scanned the white paper... stamped on my passport... and gave it to me. damn. i stood there the whole time while catching my breath. went out of the exit once again and slowly came back to the bus. i slowly walked, the bus driver was standing--he must have been furious again. damn you all. they should have stapled that damn white card to the passport. the bus driver should have told us of what things to bring.

lesson learned: be ready for an exercise anytime of the day.

Friday, November 19, 2010

confessions of innocence

"would you still leave me? even though a few years from now, what happened to us would also happen to you and her? would you still choose to leave me for her?"
"even if they know they will eventually die, people continue on living."
"i hate you...uhu. uhu."

love must be worth it all. for if not, why would people still choose to love...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

libog

maboang ko sa palailahi na topic nimo ai. talks of one thing and without even trying to finish it, does other stuff. and i thought ang lahi na gibuhat kay related ra or nangutana ba ron sa uban but no, totally lahi ra gyud.

naputol ang first task and then nakigchat. murag mubalik na sad ni ug handle sa first task later. aw naghimo diay ug 3rd task. unsa man gyud??? ha???? naglibog na ko.

hinuon i've got tasks of my own man sad. hala nibalik na sad sa 1st task ay. wahahahha.

makaboang. wahihihihi

Friday, November 12, 2010

conversation between men

me: hala moadto na diay ko singapore next Saturday. (oh! i'm leaving for singapore next saturday.)
dad: kinsa man imong kuyog? (who will you be with?)
me: kato gihapong kuyog nako sa japan. (same folks with me in japan.)
dad: katong kuyog sad nimo sa boracay? katong babaye? magkasinabtanay ra lagi mo. (same people you were also with in boracay? the girl? you agree much with each other.)
me: o. (yes)
dad: kato na lang kaha pangasaw-i. maayo na para angayan inyong liwat. (why not marry her? your children would look good.)

then i left. i can't say any further when my dad talks to me about stuff like this. i just don't know how to react.




had a similar talk with my uncle over the phone a few months back.

...
uncle: unya naa na kay uyab? (so, do you have a gf now?)
me: wala pa. (not yet.)
uncle: kato diayng kuyog nimo sa facebook? e****r ba to ang pangalan? boto ra ko ato niya dong. kato na lang. pareson ra mo ato ug kuyog bitaw mo permi. (how about that girl in your facebook? was she e****r? i'm fine with her for you. you look good together and it seems you get along well.)
me: aw naa na toy uyab tiyo oi. (but she already has a bf, uncle.)
uncle: aw uyab pa bitaw na. (ah, bf can be changed.)

it's like they are all telling me to settle right away. how can i do that when my heart has never beaten for someone yet??? i can't force myself to like someone, that's insane. yeah, probably they were thinking of my welfare when i get older. who wants to get old alone? i don't. but i don't want to spend eternity with someone forced.

if only i could just make babies by myself the i would be alone in the future. plants and some animals are way better, they can mate themselves and produce offspring themselves. gosh. divine intervention, where are you???

but do i really need someone to be happy at this moment? i guess not. but should i marry just to be secured that i wont be alone during my golden days? i don't think so.

just make things clear, e****r and i are just friends. we agreed to marry each other when we get 30. wahahaha. am i secured now? not really. how pathetic of me... wahihihi.


lesson of the story, you can't force yourself to love. just leave the coercing to others.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

conversation between the body and the heart

one day, the body asked the heart. "when i'm hurt i go to the doctor, but if you're hurt then who will heal you?" then the heart said, "i have to heal by myself".
--from a korean drama--

maybe it's because of this that people have different ways to cure the pain. some people do excessive shopping, others travel more with friends. others eat extravagantly, and others start a new hobby. and sadly, others choose to ignore the pain and deceive themselves. whatever it is that heals the heart or alleviates the pain must be done.

others even choose to find a new heart to patch up the broken pieces. some succeeds but others end up with two broken hearts. there is no right or wrong when it comes to it: the heart has to heal itself.

i am not the right person to ask of these stuff; my heart was never badly beaten before. so i too am wondering what i would do if my heart is in pain. i pity those hearts but i pity mine the most; it has never experienced heavenly highs and unfathomable lows. everything is in limbo.

if this heart is pained i guess i'd babble away--try to talk away the pain. i guess i'd smile more to keep me sane. i guess i'd walk all day to hurt my feet more. i probably won't find another heart, i might just crush it down if i would. but then who knows?

how would i know???

i will only keep on guessing...



but for those with hearts hurt, just remember that only change is permanent. pain too will have to leave. hope more pain won't follow right away.

i seriously wish you all to be happy and find that special someone.

be happy and minimize my competition for that someone.


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

sugarcoated lips

there i was... staring at something somewhere far. then suddenly this man came. i called him up and said hi. he recognized me and came to me.

and here he comes.

closer.

and closer...

hey this is too close better stop now, i thought.

his face was just inches from mine.

and then he kissed me...

gosh... it must have been great coz i kissed back. it was a long passionate kiss. i must have savored each moment of it. then reality struck me, and pushed him back.

i felt rather shy when it ended and asked him why. he just said that there were white-sugary stuff on my lips and he wanted to clean it up. and then kissed me again for the second time to clean it up completely.

i was in awe--puzzled to what just happened.

but he just smiled. such a sweet smile it was...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
then i woke up.

weird dream. the sweet kisser was an office mate. never expected that but then dreams are nothing but dreams.

went to work and there he was.

Monday, August 30, 2010

boracay

gosh, it is so hot. but yet so great.

powdery white beaches that stretches like a couple of kilometers met me for the first time. wow.

had a funny experience though. i was infatuated with this lean gym fit guy i saw at the beach. he was with two other men who were equally stunning. saw them a couple of times before and we saw them again yesterday afternoon. they were taking pictures by the shore at sunset-- the perfect time for taking pictures. we passed by them and my friend heard mr sexy body say:
ayyy... di kita yung water. (oww... can't see the water)
in the most lamest, gayest accent possible. gosh. you really can't judge a book by its cover now.

more to come from the powdery shores of boracay.


Monday, August 2, 2010

temporary boredom

in my 24years of existence, i have been thinking again. it's not that i am so bored today to even start this alien "thinking" hobby. yes i am bored but don't get me wrong, this thinking did not spark from there. though i admit, boredom may be a catalyst.

i have been thinking, why am i this bored today?

then i realized that i am not mentally challenged in my work now. i have lost interest. it has become a routine and i have been avoiding that from the start coz i know that this might mean the end. there is nothing out of the ordinary, everything seems normal and lifeless.

even my colleagues are leaving one by one. though i don't want to be left alone, but i can't stop them. it really is better for me to leave than be left behind. i just hate the feeling. i was so accustomed to them being around and then they fall. it is frustrating.

and then i thought, possibly i'm burnt out. i have been working all my life even before i graduated from the university. this is probably the downside of having some "brilliant" mind (self acclaimed).

and then...





(*stopped writing and found something interesting to do)

Monday, March 29, 2010

affair to remember

now that i'm leaving japan, i don't want to have any regrets. i want to try all things i can think of; i want to try the things i can only do in here. and now that i'm leaving for good, i finally had the courage.

i met a special friend last saturday. that went unexpectedly easier than i thought. i never had any expectations of what to come. though i hesitated to meet at first to meet him (i'm an insecure being with lots of insecurities), but there is really nothing to loose.

we met at ginza, the expensive district. i needed to buy something which was only sold in there. he was not so sure of ginza as well, we were completely lost. it was awkward at first, first meetings are always like that i suppose. we ate pasta and talked our introductions. i'm not used to these things; it is hard for anti-socials to start a conversation. he always smiled, i guess he was as nervous as i am. i just laughed; acted shy. i really felt shy at that time. we started talking but still it was awkward.

we moved to shinjuku, he guided me to a district in there. gosh. eye opener. japan is so open to these stuff. it was great seeing people there with no care in the world. but it was scary as well, experiencing something new is always scary. i bet it would be more lively as night falls. we entered a shop and explored.

then came karaoke. i didn't know about him but i'm a little confident in my singing. this is my world, i thought. i sang my heart out. heartbreak songs are always emotional and i got lots of those emotions: i'm leaving japan and i'm leaving my independent life. who wouldn't cry for those reasons? i guess my feelings transpired: he admired my singing. it was such a great time and i'll never forget it.

parting is such a hard thing to do. parting a new found friend is even harder. it hasn't even started but it ended abruptly. but it was all fine. at least i went out, i thought.

lesson of the story, do not be afraid to explore. life is a tightrope.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

face issues

just when i thought everything is over, here they come again. and this time i'm really bothered by it. i don't know what to do anymore, these pimples won't go away.

i hate to see myself in the mirror now. they are just so many. now i understand how these small stuff can lessen ones ego. i am even afraid of facing the world now. when i meet people all i could think is that, are they looking at my pimples?

and what's even worse, my pimples are so many in between my brows. this makes me more anxious since talking to people means looking at them in the eyes. and they could all see these horrendous things popping. so red.

i want to rest for one week and go back to work only when these things clear out. and with this state, that would probably mean not going to work for a long time.

it is so hard to face the world.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

weird

i've never felt so humiliated in my life.

it is just plain embarrassing and awkward. it just feels so weird.
just say it if you do not want me to eat with you rather than make those auras. it is just plain bad.
what is worse is that those people who invited me to eat with them is not even saying anything: only kept their mouth shut. they just left me in there: left me in there to rot.
it would have been better if i had offered something too, but i got nothing. too bad.

you people are just plain annoying.
go ahead and eat your heads out.

you can all act like masters but don't expect me to follow your stupid paths.
act all mighty all you want, express your superiority but i have never seen you that high.

and you woman, stop acting like a loving housewife. it doesn't fit you at all.
women do not need to follow their man always. it is just annoying to see you act like all your decisions needs to be approved.

bye

Saturday, February 13, 2010

一番作文 - introduction

はじめまして。

私はフリッツです。としは24さいです。フィリピンのセブとうからきました。

私の家族は父と母だけで兄弟はいません。でも、しんせきがたくさんいるのでさみしくありません。

今は日本でエンジニアとして働いています。仕事はとてもいそがしので、あそびに行く時間がありません。私のせいかつはかわいそうでしょう。

しゅみはアニメやドラマを見ることです。そうして、日本の音楽はおもしろいと思います。フィリピンでは冬がないけれども、ゆきが好きです。ゆきがふったらいつもうれしくなっています。

日本人と話す時に、私はいつも「はい」とへんじしますけども、じつは何を話しているか意味があまり分かりません。日本語をてつだってください。私はがんばります。

よろしくおねがいします。

Monday, February 8, 2010

a traveller contemplates

i have completely lost my way.
at first it was complete joy, new places and new people to meet.
but it is not the case now.

looking back, i realized that as the time went by it was no more fun.
i have always chosen the safe path, never have i traveled the unknown again.
the friends i knew then were no more there, we have grown apart.
my relationship with people have grown sour and life has become more unfair.
but what hurts me the most is that all of those held me back.

i just want to laugh hard again, to smile to the fullest.
i want to rediscover this place again and not grow tired of it.
i want to try something new, i want to have the courage to try something new.
i want to fly with nothing holding me down.

let me soar...

let me flirt... (oops, wahahahha)

Sunday, January 31, 2010

time

without me realizing it, time has passed so quickly.

last friday night, i had a late night work activity starting at 10pm with the deadline after an hour. with a blink, the hour passed and i had to call up for extension. after half a blink, postponed.

1 hour seems like a blink. if only the second hands turned a little slower then the hour would be longer.

it seems like yesterday but my overtime work has been happening for 2 months already.

it seems like a week ago but its been 2 years living in japan.

i now start to wonder about the future. i shouldn't be doing. i don't want to think some more. i just want to sleep and be free from the traps of corporate slavery.

can i turn back time to the point where they asked me if i want to continue for another year? i want to experience what it would have been if i said no.
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