affair to remember

now that i'm leaving japan, i don't want to have any regrets. i want to try all things i can think of; i want to try the things i can only do in here. and now that i'm leaving for good, i finally had the courage.

i met a special friend last saturday. that went unexpectedly easier than i thought. i never had any expectations of what to come. though i hesitated to meet at first to meet him (i'm an insecure being with lots of insecurities), but there is really nothing to loose.

we met at ginza, the expensive district. i needed to buy something which was only sold in there. he was not so sure of ginza as well, we were completely lost. it was awkward at first, first meetings are always like that i suppose. we ate pasta and talked our introductions. i'm not used to these things; it is hard for anti-socials to start a conversation. he always smiled, i guess he was as nervous as i am. i just laughed; acted shy. i really felt shy at that time. we started talking but still it was awkward.

we moved to shinjuku, he guided me to a district in there. gosh. eye opener. japan is so open to these stuff. it was great seeing people there with no care in the world. but it was scary as well, experiencing something new is always scary. i bet it would be more lively as night falls. we entered a shop and explored.

then came karaoke. i didn't know about him but i'm a little confident in my singing. this is my world, i thought. i sang my heart out. heartbreak songs are always emotional and i got lots of those emotions: i'm leaving japan and i'm leaving my independent life. who wouldn't cry for those reasons? i guess my feelings transpired: he admired my singing. it was such a great time and i'll never forget it.

parting is such a hard thing to do. parting a new found friend is even harder. it hasn't even started but it ended abruptly. but it was all fine. at least i went out, i thought.

lesson of the story, do not be afraid to explore. life is a tightrope.

face issues

just when i thought everything is over, here they come again. and this time i'm really bothered by it. i don't know what to do anymore, these pimples won't go away.

i hate to see myself in the mirror now. they are just so many. now i understand how these small stuff can lessen ones ego. i am even afraid of facing the world now. when i meet people all i could think is that, are they looking at my pimples?

and what's even worse, my pimples are so many in between my brows. this makes me more anxious since talking to people means looking at them in the eyes. and they could all see these horrendous things popping. so red.

i want to rest for one week and go back to work only when these things clear out. and with this state, that would probably mean not going to work for a long time.

it is so hard to face the world.