winter all throughout

we moved to a different seat in the office last monday. i have no idea why but there are so many reasons popping in my head. is this a way telling us that we are an irrelevant minuscule of this company??? the closest possible reason i have thought of is that people were complaining about how rowdy we were. we talk loud, we laugh loud, we sing, we browse non-work related stuff(blame it to blogs)... and people around our area are silent people; silent people want to stay in silent places. the management can't move them all so they chose to take us out instead... of course, this is just a product of my imagination. i am just giving grave meanings to simple things.

it has been a month since mister temporary friend (let us call him usagi-chan...) moved out. and yeah i kind of missed him. so i tested the waters, i sent a good morning greeting to him and to our common friend. he never replied back... but the common friend (aka ya-chan) did. so we chatted over the emails. ya-chan has always been kind to me even before and he is still now. his emails reflect that. i did all this last monday...

today is wednesday, i decided to test the waters once again. i informed usagi-chan and ya-chan that i am now sitting elsewhere... like before, usagi-chan remained silent and ya-chan and i chatted... it seems that usagi-chan has lost the ability to use his fingers and type some words. 

later that afternoon, my friend and i was  fortunately invited to a small birthday celebration in the pantry. everything was running smoothly until usagi-chan came in... what the hell... is he invited as well??? we stayed cold toward each other the whole time... it's as if i was blocked from his eyesight, a big void existed in the place where i was at. my other colleague greeted him and she told me right after the party that usagi-chan never responded to her. poor her, she also got the cold treatment.. usagi-chan somehow got the upper hand in the party though. he is japanese and naturally, they all spoke japanese... poor me, my japanese is comparable to that of a kindergarten kid. i failed to understand everything. so there i was trying to catch words and phrases a kindergarten kid could understand but failed miserably. i stayed super silent. this made me realize more how cold he was to me... even ice would shiver when purposely placed in between us...

i guess not all endings are worth it....

the aftermath

i run on autopilot when i have nothing to do; it's like there is a switch somewhere in my brain which detects moments like that. first thing the autopilot in me does is to check for any updates in any blog i am following. as you have read in previous posts, i started blogging during a certain week and yeah, blogging has now become an essential part of me.

one after another, i read the titles and there was this "Goodbye" entry. It was weird so i kind of ignored it.

hours later when the autopilot ran once more, i found two more blogs with a weird feel. they were both short and vague but when i read down the comments, i got cold hands. my hands were normally cold but they were colder... the author of the "Goodbye" blog died on that day, they said. what the heck?!!!???!?! and it was kind of suggesting that it was a suicide... of all the things you can possibly think of dying, i think of suicide as the most saddening case... why in the world would someone choose to end his life just because he can't bear it anymore? i'm not in the position to judge but i find those people cowards...

immediately, i informed a friend to confirm on this. she too was shocked; i had to thaw her out of it and asked her to get more information first before getting frozen... and now there were three of us worried of the same thing. i was not really close with the said suicider but he was once part of this short life of mine. i can't help but feel down of the whole situation...

as the day turned to night, it all turned out to be an April fool's prank.

why would someone think of death as a prank??? i really don't get it. it was a very bad joke and i would never laugh on this one... sorry but i just can't see the supposed humor it was intended for.

have you heard of "the boy who cried wolf"? i recommend that to you all.