worn out

if life is always as busy as this, is it possible to pause for a while???

i don't want things to stop but i also want to rest and enjoy the slow paced life.

it has been 3 weeks of relentless nights. i have spent most of my day at work. who wouldn't want to take a rest and stop? who wouldn't???

i've been bugged by lots of calls and confrontations telling issues of this and that everyday. who wouldn't want to take a rest???

it is not only you guys who are in this trouble so it is much better if i know at least what you've been doing. if only i could tell them all to contact you guys instead, then it would be so damn fine not to know a thing at all.

what i hate most aside from the fact that i pretty know very little about things happening is that action is soooooo slow. i ask for something at this time and ask for status in the next hour, oh i forgot about that... ask again in another hour, ah yeah i'll do that now... in another hour, what was this about again. next time you call, they get irritated. wtf!!! it is me who gets to go to command room and perform something in the wee hours, it is me who answers emergency calls, it is me who gets to apologize for your slow action affecting other people. and i really hate having less control/grasp over something. i hate the feeling of worthlessness...

they eat back there while i am starving over here. but i've learned. i'll eat when hungry, no buts... take care of your damn issues while i'm out.

the difference in our philosophy greatly shows now. while others want to slowly work their way, taking their time to fix something doing the same uneventful stuff over a long period, i on the other hand want to fix it as soon as possible and take my much deserved rest without any worries. i really don't want to worry the same thing over and over and over.. and i can only stop worrying if i know that everything is running fine.

and somehow i am wondering why all tasks are taken by 2 people only...

maybe i am to blame... for trying to give my all to what i'm doing... for being a martyr.

maybe they should pick another guy to handle their stuff: someone who doesn't give a damn about anything would be great perhaps.

maybe it's time to...