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Sunday, November 18, 2012

october 11

when i resolved to chatting, i can't help but wonder if these people are being real to themselves. no one will ever know if they are telling the truth. no one will care too i guess. most people are in for a good time. yeah, i too was there for a good time at first. but somehow as the days pass, i started to look for something else. you'll get bored of the food in front of your monitor eventually. that happened to me. people will look for comfort from people, people need to interact and be a social being. it is a natural urge.

i took the step and started with simple comments. "lol" was a good word to start with; i'm glad it was invented. i was a "loller", the best "loller" in fact... others "lolled" too, but i knew i was the best. lol. it was a pathetic life. some cared but most didn't. and then i grew some courage, spoke some other words. from then on, they knew i could spell more words... it was a huge step. the social urge as they say grew more and more each day.

then came the time that people started to recognise me. some remembered at least. wit was a key factor. i was a natural charmer. it was all with words and nothing else. then came people who started to like and pursue. it was awkward really. but maybe im a natural born flirt, it was never my intention but they fell for me. i am the worst, i must be. so maybe this is what giving wrong signals is. i never had this feeling before. or so i thought... maybe i had. as i waded through this small publicity, i met you.

a simple hi and hello. conversations that kept on for hours was a constant. we promised not to fall for each other. i never did. probably you didn't too. i never had the courage to reveal myself to you. but you were a natural talker too. it was like meeting a duplicate of me. slowly i was barenaked not in a literal way. you will probably shutdown your machine if that was the case. it was easy, not forced at all. i cut down the pursuers as you said, i knew you were happy when i did. i never had any intentions of having this any further but i am a softie. all of a sudden, you made me smile. that was a bad sign. we were constantly joking not to fall but all that time i was already willing to jump this cliff with you. but just as i was about to, you just cant... you were chained down with trouble.

i could not fight against that. you were in that state of uncertainty... you were complicated as you spoke more and more of you to me. i was willing to accept all of that dirt... i really was. i tried to break you free of that chain... i really did. you talked of plans but didn't work for it. you yourself were weighing you down. you were never willing to break that chain in the first place. it was a lossing case... it was hard. but i had to let it go. we were not meant to be. we met at the wrong time.

you were back with your ex. and i have to move on.

i never heard anything from you since oct 11

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mentors out of innocence