weird

i've never felt so humiliated in my life.

it is just plain embarrassing and awkward. it just feels so weird.
just say it if you do not want me to eat with you rather than make those auras. it is just plain bad.
what is worse is that those people who invited me to eat with them is not even saying anything: only kept their mouth shut. they just left me in there: left me in there to rot.
it would have been better if i had offered something too, but i got nothing. too bad.

you people are just plain annoying.
go ahead and eat your heads out.

you can all act like masters but don't expect me to follow your stupid paths.
act all mighty all you want, express your superiority but i have never seen you that high.

and you woman, stop acting like a loving housewife. it doesn't fit you at all.
women do not need to follow their man always. it is just annoying to see you act like all your decisions needs to be approved.

bye

一番作文 - introduction

はじめまして。

私はフリッツです。としは２４さいです。フィリピンのセブとうからきました。

私の家族は父と母だけで兄弟はいません。でも、しんせきがたくさんいるのでさみしくありません。

今は日本でエンジニアとして働いています。仕事はとてもいそがしので、あそびに行く時間がありません。私のせいかつはかわいそうでしょう。

しゅみはアニメやドラマを見ることです。そうして、日本の音楽はおもしろいと思います。フィリピンでは冬がないけれども、ゆきが好きです。ゆきがふったらいつもうれしくなっています。

日本人と話す時に、私はいつも「はい」とへんじしますけども、じつは何を話しているか意味があまり分かりません。日本語をてつだってください。私はがんばります。

よろしくおねがいします。

a traveller contemplates

i have completely lost my way.

at first it was complete joy, new places and new people to meet.

but it is not the case now.

looking back, i realized that as the time went by it was no more fun.

i have always chosen the safe path, never have i traveled the unknown again.

the friends i knew then were no more there, we have grown apart.

my relationship with people have grown sour and life has become more unfair.

but what hurts me the most is that all of those held me back.

i just want to laugh hard again, to smile to the fullest.

i want to rediscover this place again and not grow tired of it.

i want to try something new, i want to have the courage to try something new.

i want to fly with nothing holding me down.

let me soar...

let me flirt... (oops, wahahahha)

time

without me realizing it, time has passed so quickly.

last friday night, i had a late night work activity starting at 10pm with the deadline after an hour. with a blink, the hour passed and i had to call up for extension. after half a blink, postponed.

1 hour seems like a blink. if only the second hands turned a little slower then the hour would be longer.

it seems like yesterday but my overtime work has been happening for 2 months already.

it seems like a week ago but its been 2 years living in japan.

i now start to wonder about the future. i shouldn't be doing. i don't want to think some more. i just want to sleep and be free from the traps of corporate slavery.

can i turn back time to the point where they asked me if i want to continue for another year? i want to experience what it would have been if i said no.

worn out

if life is always as busy as this, is it possible to pause for a while???

i don't want things to stop but i also want to rest and enjoy the slow paced life.

it has been 3 weeks of relentless nights. i have spent most of my day at work. who wouldn't want to take a rest and stop? who wouldn't???

i've been bugged by lots of calls and confrontations telling issues of this and that everyday. who wouldn't want to take a rest???

it is not only you guys who are in this trouble so it is much better if i know at least what you've been doing. if only i could tell them all to contact you guys instead, then it would be so damn fine not to know a thing at all.

what i hate most aside from the fact that i pretty know very little about things happening is that action is soooooo slow. i ask for something at this time and ask for status in the next hour, oh i forgot about that... ask again in another hour, ah yeah i'll do that now... in another hour, what was this about again. next time you call, they get irritated. wtf!!! it is me who gets to go to command room and perform something in the wee hours, it is me who answers emergency calls, it is me who gets to apologize for your slow action affecting other people. and i really hate having less control/grasp over something. i hate the feeling of worthlessness...

they eat back there while i am starving over here. but i've learned. i'll eat when hungry, no buts... take care of your damn issues while i'm out.

the difference in our philosophy greatly shows now. while others want to slowly work their way, taking their time to fix something doing the same uneventful stuff over a long period, i on the other hand want to fix it as soon as possible and take my much deserved rest without any worries. i really don't want to worry the same thing over and over and over.. and i can only stop worrying if i know that everything is running fine.

and somehow i am wondering why all tasks are taken by 2 people only...

maybe i am to blame... for trying to give my all to what i'm doing... for being a martyr.

maybe they should pick another guy to handle their stuff: someone who doesn't give a damn about anything would be great perhaps.

maybe it's time to...