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Monday, January 26, 2009

two questions...

out of the blue, the members of the gotanda tribe started to talk. of all the possible topics out there, this was all about love. good for them since they have had a relationship; they have solid basis for their points. all i have are my ideals. waahhh... too bad... of all the questions tackled, two got stuck in my head (one was a follow up of the other)... cliche they may seem, but i have never pondered long and hard yet.

would you choose the one you love or the one who loves you?
the best answer i have heard was from mr. yoshinoya (real identity disclosed). he said and i quote
i'll choose the one i love because love is something you give without expecting something in return
how about a round of applause in there... let us now crown our new miss universe... ohhh. sorry... wahihihih. well said from a pretty experienced guy.

we are actually thinking of the same thing--not on the beauty-pageant-reasoning but on choosing the one you love. my reasons are pretty childish compared to his though. when you choose the one you love then you are on the active part; you give much thought and importance to it. you are willing to compromise and make sacrifices since you love the person. you are more open-minded to changes since it is your hearts desire to make that person fall for you as well. and besides if i choose otherwise, it is much prone for regrets. childish as they may seem, but those were my thoughts.

then came the follow up question.

since you chose the one you love, until how long are you willing to wait until he loves you back?
oh no.... this is a much harder question. i should have chosen the other one. damn! wahihihi. this i really thought hard and haven't figured out up to this point. no one gave strong responses to this. it's like everyone is unsure. now it made me think deeper.

if the person i love doesn't respond back, what would i do? what am i supposed to do if all my advances doesn't have any effect? oh no. eventually, i will tire out if i see no advancements. but how about my heart? will i just wait for it to die and fall out of love? waaaah... this topic is just too much... we came up with no conclusion at all.

in reality, i am a loyal person--too loyal to be exact. the bad thing is, jealousy has always been a friend of mine at the same time with loyalty. now, remaining loyal while jealous can do serious damage. i hold on to a certain bond while being hurt deep inside--self struggle all the time. now how do you expect me to react when i am like that??? think..... however, there are things hard to ignore. now, i am having a hard time dealing with a friend. i still hold on to that bond we have made before, thinking of the many possibilities of this change. but seeing him ignoring my little efforts to bring back that spark is breaking me apart. still i continue to hope and he continues to shatter me. look at the irony of that. am i a masochist by any chance????

let's end all of this before i spill more stuff.

ps: what is even more interesting was the fact that there was no alcohol involved during these talks.

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