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Sunday, August 2, 2009

outsider

i am not that active in whatever talk is happening at home. i know that i am somehow at fault in that. i failed to have have conversations lately. who would want to engage in talks about boasting and stuff? i can't do that. i don't have anything to boast. so i'd rather stay out.

there are times where i feel so alone even when i am at home in the midst of my housemates. i know that everyone has secrets, i too have lots. but when all knows about it except me, i can't help but wonder why. don't they trust me?

last night, they went out. they invited my roommate to go with them. but they never mentioned anything to me. they never asked me if i'd like to come with them. they only hid behind the door and whispered to the other. they even forced him to come with them. but never said anything to me. somehow i was affected by that. but i didn't mind it much.

today after coming back from the cinema, they were frolicking on the way back. people who don't know them would surely think they are lovers. it is just too much; looks more like flirting. there is nothing wrong though because both are singles but please please tell me if you have something. i certainly don't like to look odd, i don't like to interfere and even witness your flirtatious acts. and now, they are all outside talking of something they don't want me to know. they even closed the door of my room. it seems like i'm an outsider trapped inside the room inside the house. an outsider that no one even bothers.

it looks like they would only care if they need something from me.

push me back to my shell some more.

i guess i'm just getting too emotional over something irrelevant.

i better sleep now, i don't want to hear the lame jokes outside.

hope i'll get better tomorrow...

i'm not even sure if i'm making sense.

2 comments:

  1. Hi, it's good to rant like this in the cyber space. At least you know how to release your unhappiness. It's normal, because you don't have the sense of belongings in the house. Well, try to make some move perhaps? Everything begins with communication. But if you don't really treasure these "friends", then don't. :) Sometimes it's ok to be alone. Don't force yourself to do something that you don't like just to get approval. Good luck :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh my god. thank you so much. evrything has gotten fine now. i told them what i felt (through a joke). and somehow, they understood.

    ReplyDelete

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