the confession

finally, i told the "temporary friend" about the things i felt. i'm glad i did that. as a person, i always want to know the reason behind certain actions so as much as possible i also practice the same. i don't want people to be left clueless. and of course, i was still holding on to that single thread of hope.

so there i was, prepared a draft of what to say and pasted it on skype. racing heart and shortened breathing is all i have left. i immediately closed everything: afraid of what his reply might be. but i was excited at the same time. 

the inevitable came, the reply.... he assured that it was not the case - another way of saying that i was just being paranoid. but i was not contented... i have felt the change and told him about it. "you can come to me anytime you want" he said... great to hear but i don't want that. this was what i was doing all along and was my primary issue; it failed to give me satisfaction. i want to be needed too. i want to be longed for. i think that was too much to ask.

that was my pre valentine gift.

i want to be pursued, i'm tired of pursuing...