49 --- the incident

i don't even know where to start.

i woke up at around 6:30 thinking that i will be late for work... but nope, i have no work on saturdays... i decided to stay on bed some more. then started to browse some nihongo (japanese notes) but my eyes could not stay open... i dozed of back to dreamland...

after some minute, i woke up and tried to stay up. i went to my aunt's room and took pictures of me using the phone. but the room was dark and gloomy, so i opened the curtains a bit. i took pictures of me by the window. i posed long and hard. but then to my dismay, i hate all pics... i went back to bed and read the notes some more and back to dreamland again...

after some time, my mother came up asking me of some weird questions. did i took photos or even videos of people outside? i said i did took some pics this morning. then she said that a neighbor complained that i took a video of him while he was making a pee... ok... i didn't know about this.. when did this all happen again? and mom said that a man came a while ago and asked if we have a phone with cam and all and allegedly said that he was video-ed while making a pee...

how strange... mom and dad defended me and told him that it was surely not him i cam-ed... i was glad they were there... i would have looked stupid explaining things i have no idea about... i never bothered to explain... come on, why would he even pee towards our house... shame on him for doing so...

jaa...

48--- should i celebrate or what?

i woke up this morning to find out that my body is aching so badly. i must have really played hard badminton yesterday. i guess this is what happens if you don't get to move your muscles constantly. what do you expect from a programmer? we only move our fingers and out brains... move brain... move...






anyway, today is a sunday and good individuals like me (yup i'm good, no need to comment on that) celebrate mass (yes that's celebrate according to the priest long ago). and we were late so we have no place to sit. this is not unusual though since we always get late and most of the time it is my fault... yeah i am slow... yeah... i have many things to do ok.




during the communion we followed the queue patiently. there were only few people in front of us so it really wasn't that long a wait. now, two women started to make another queue beside us. now there are three lines. why can't they just fall in line? why do they have to make their own line? this really pissed me. why are they in a hurry? all of us will eat the host so why should they come up in front as if the hosts are not enough? gosh this really sucks... why are there people who doesn't follow simple common sense rules? if there is a queue, its common sense to fall in line at its tail. isn't that obvious enough?




things came into my head. if this happens in front of god, more so when its outside? these people are the murmurers of the society. all they do is complain but they themselves are not doing their part. if simple rules like this is easily broken, then more so are laws. i just can't imagine what is so important in having the host before others... why can't they just line up? they are really creating a fuss... the nerve of those women. they look educated enough but they certainly don't have discipline. it would have been better if they inserted and somewhat people on the line gave way to them but no they didn't... they made a separate queue...




let us be disciplined ok.... they surely took the road less traveled (referring to the poem) but that road leads down to hell.... rot in hell and never come back... (what a reaction.)








ps: i watched uaap cheerdance and hurray to the up pep squad for bringing home the bacon... i will surely take a bite... wahahahha...






ps2: i just realized that it has been a year since i started blogging... and the first of which was in friendster... hurray to friendster...

47---- the new office

yup you read it right; im on a different office now which is far away from home... im still on the same company but on a different office... with a twist of fate, i was transferred south... gosh... i live up north and im working south... it would have been better if south office was located somewhere where civilization is sprouting... over here, there is no food... there is no canteen nor a bakery nor a cafe to eat to.... no bank nor atm to withdraw money from... there is no vending machine... there is no easy access to transportation...


i just had a deja vu...


its 15 minutes to 5 and still im lazy...

clueless.... (46)

as the title suggests, i'm so clueless today... i don't know what to
do... i don't even know if i should be doing something... all my
teammates are busy with our project, but i am not... it's as if i have
no deadline to meet... i don't even know when our deadline is. it's as
if i was left behind, like i blended well with the surrounding to the
point that they can't see me any longer... as the days pass, i feel
like I'm taken for granted... i know i should not be feeling this way
but i am... i know that i should be happy to be given a breather but i
am not... it would have been better if i have a new movie in my pc but
i don't. i don't want to surf the internet. i need a human being to
talk with. i need to open my mouth and communicate. but in this
stressful environment, no one likes to talk... i want to talk guys...
talk nonsense with me... i want to exercise my mouth... oh God help...
i need to be busy doing something... i don't want to die of boredom.
this silence is killing me.


(same as the one i posted in multiply.... this only shows how bored i am... i can't even make another one for friendster....)





(note 2: change of color for a comments sake... wahihihihi)

45------health is wealth

Friday night was the start of it all... i drank a Laxative (foods, compounds, or drugs taken to induce bowel movements, most often taken to treat constipation.) because of obvious reasons...

Saturday came the result... was very happy at 5am because of the relief it gave me... i went out with a friend and the unexpected happened twice... though it was unexpected, i was prepared... and i has happy it happened...

Sunday came and everything was normal... bought a gallon of ice cream for my dad (happy father's day papa).. we were only 4 in the family so i ate the least of two mugs... that's way too much i know but its good to indulge sometimes... and then came the pain. the joy was short lived... i slept thinking it was indigestion....

it's Monday and I'm back to work... the pain was still there and this time it was more pronounced... i felt so bloated and ready to burst... and i was so anxious because the pain was on my right side... i researched on appendicitis in the web, wishing it isn't what I'm having... as i skipped through, i continued to tell myself that it must not be... but the pain continued and my work suffered... it's really hard to think and feel pain at the same time... my work just gave me more stress...

i decided to have a medical check-up when i went out at 7pm... I'm glad that my doc has consultations at night (convenient for the working populace)... i was #17 and the first on the queue just came in... i was hurting and the line was slow... two hours passed and still i was waiting... i decided to have dinner and just thought of an excuse when i come back and my number passed... but when i came back, still i was waiting; the number in was 13... finally its 14... two more and it will be me... but the phone rang and the doctor answered it... minutes passed and she was still on the phone... deep inside, i kept cursing--thinking of ways on how to make her put down that god damn phone... after 25 minutes, the phone was down... and after 40 minutes more of the excruciating pain, it's finally my turn...

i told the doctor of my pain and she too had a thought that this might be appendicitis.. i told her everything and she said that this can also be because of the laxative. upon hearing this, i was thankful... she gave me medicine and suggested a natural and safer laxative, prune juice....

and now everything is normal...thank god everything is fine...

melodrama........44

They say that Filipinos love dramas. I have no idea how they
were able to come up with it. But now I just realized that yes, maybe they do:
maybe we do.

I am not fond of dramatic movies. In fact, I would rather watch comedies and
horrors rather than drama. I just can’t stand the drama. But as I was watching
a non-dramatic TV show (WOWOWEE) today, I just cant believe how affected I was.

The show was held in Reno and Filipinos in America gathered and filled the
stadium. There was a part in the episode where they showed their past
contestants as a tribute to all tfc subscribers who helped the show. It was
also an appreciation of the Filipino spirit who always smiles even in the midst
of a storm. It started with clips of past winners who jumped with joy, filled
with laughter, then of clips with little tears but still smiled after it all. There
was a man who got reunited with his mom after having no contact for decades,
there was woman who expressed her love for her husband after decades of staying
silent. Then there was a taho vendor who vowed to continue his studies now that
he has won an amount. All of them had tears in their eyes. Now as the clips
rolled, I became emotional. Tears started to form.

Then there was a boy who expressed his gratitude to his dad for raising him and
said that even though they were poor, he is still thankful for everything. By
this time, I was now rubbing tears from my eyes. I just can’t take it
anymore. I'm not really the emotional type but I have soft spots for real life
people telling their stories of guilt, affection and appreciation.

Then there was a disabled child (sorry for the term) who even with his ailments
has always stayed cheerful. He sang "hawak kamay" with all his heart
even though he could hardly open his mouth and pronounce the lyrics. It was
just an inspiration. His mom tried to hide her tears and you can see that they
were happy but wished that it could be better. More and more tears are now
forming in my eyes watching that scene. I was smiling the whole time but my
heart was torn and inspired at the same time.

I have no idea why every time I watch scenes like this, this always happens. I
can always think of how miserable their life is; easily gladdened by things I
usually took for granted. It always reminds me of how lucky I am, that I shouldn’t
even be complaining because I have what others don’t. If only my life would be
simpler then I guess I would have appreciated more things. From the stories of
these real people, I would appreciate the beauty of my life. Hopefully, I can
start making this world a better place to live in as well.

Melodramas....

四十三.... the pissed, bored life

it all started with a summer outing which was very enjoyable.
たのしい　夏休み　が　すべて　の　はじまった。

everything was fine and relaxing and all. clean, fresh, white. laughter, joy, gladness. and now that im back in the city, the worst just happened.

i took the chance to be away from work last monday, 21st of may. i asked for a sick leave (muscle cramps and stomach ache which i really felt though if i didnt, i would have given another excuse). i was planning to surf the web the whole day.

i turned on my pc and was happy to be back online after 2 days of zero internet life. i was very pleased browsing at sites i love. i was just checking something when my pc rebooted. i thought it was ok because it already happened in the past. and then i was online again... not until it rebooted once more. then rebooted, and rebooted, and on and off and on and off.

i contacted a computer shop and brought my cpu there. paid for the taxi and went in. everything seems ok there. nothing is wrong. my pc started well. i waited for at least an hour and no rebooting happened. they used all the memory of my pc to make sure if it really wont happen but it didnt. so they cleaned my cpu and advised to reinstall and reformat my cpu. so i bought and external hard disk and paid for their service. went home and paid for a cab.

i plugged it in immediately when i got back and thought that it wont happen again. but i was wrong, it rebooted after a few minutes. now im pissed, i brought my cpu to a friends' house and plugged it there. and to my surprise, it worked well for straight 2 hours... i transferred important files to my mobile hd with hassle. now im puzzled. what do these places have that i dont?

i went back home and reinstalled my operating system(a pirated windows xp professional). i got no problem while doing it. i thought it would reboot in a short while in the middle of the installation but it didnt. i was now glad and hoping that maybe the problem will now be solved. i turned it back on and yoohoo it rebooted once more. f@%k...

i went back to work the next day although i felt drained. at work, all i can think was my pc. i asked my collegues and friends about this and their guess was as good as mine. they suggested that i should buy an avr.one ven suggested that the problem lies with the house and to fix the prob, we should transfer to a new house. of course i cant do the latter so i tried the first. i paid for the avr and bought it home. wow!!!! it didnt help either.

yesterday at the office, i told everyone of the good news--my life sucked. now another advised thats maybe its with the extension cord. and the fool i am, i bought one immediately. we now have a collection of extension cords at home.

now i can say that maybe its with the electricity. yes, its with the house. i have no idea why or how but i can say its with the house. im now advised to buy a ups but im skeptical on this. i should first know if this is really the solution. i just cant waste money now or ill be broke. the next pay day is still far away. im thinking of calling the computer shop again and ask for their advise, or even call the power company on their idea on this.

to be continued...
うつつ。。。

thoughts------四十二

yesterday i have read an article of an American who despised the Filipinos in all aspects. he stated that Filipinos call themselves Asians (Chinese, Japanese) although they are only related to them by location. he also stated that Filipinos has never made any contributions to the world...

this has really made me think.

Filipinos call themselves Asians because we really are Asians... should we call ourselves Europeans but are situated in a region called Asia? thats the main logic in there... i guess what he disagreed on is that some Filipinos call themselves Asians to get little credit of what our Asian big brothers (china and japan) have done in shaping this world. yes they have done many things and yes they are known. but looking back on history, Filipinos were never given the chance to succeed and excel in the world because of the colonizers. Spain colonized us for 300+ years and from then on, the country slept because they were only allowed to learn the "doctrina kristiana" and other religious books. then the Americans came and at least taught us things but the country has never got over the ways in the Spanish period. i guess if the Philippines was not colonized, or just had a better colonizer things would be better.

and now that the Philippines has stood on its feet, now that we have started to learn and adapt to new technologies and new ways, now that we are starting to move forward, some people from other countries look down on us. now that we are starting to move, foreigners criticize us. why not help us move out of this slump instead? why not stop laughing at this slowly emerging country and extend your hand instead? how can people in here grow and contribute to the world when even before we open our mouths to speak, our big brothers(developed countries) have already arrived at conclusions to turn us down?

with 3 colonizers (Spain, us, japan) and with globalization at its height, it is very hard to find what it is to be a Filipino. it is very hard to find what is truly authentic Filipino. that is just impossible. the Filipino race, is a mix of cultures. what the Philippines is today is a result of all the cultures mixed together. we surely have adapted and adopted well to all of these and have made it suitable for us. surely you can find traces of Spanish, American, or any other culture and no one is denying it. it doesn't mean that we are copy cats though. it only means that we adapt well.

i do admit that we Filipinos still lack many things but we are surely getting there. no culture is perfect. why not investigate your cultures first and you will definitely see loopholes in it.

dilemma.... 41

such a feelings coming over me. i hope there is wonder in everything i see... but there isn't. uncertainty is rocking the post I'm on, and I'm not sure whether to give in or fight back...

people around me have been missing. as the weeks pass, more and more are gone. I'm sure nobody wants to be left alone but I'm scared of leaving this post I'm on... what if down this post are spiky spikes... what if down this are spider nests, or dragon lairs, or an endless abyss... what if....

but i don't want to be left alone... i don't want to endure this pain of holding on forever... someday i know i will yield to it and surrender defeat but i don't want to do it unless there is another place i can jump unto... who wants to dive into nothingness? certainly not i. but should i wait until this post I'm on crashes before i make a move? what a dilemma....

40---bloody hell

on the 18th day of march in the year 2007, a prophecy became a reality. bloody battlefields became of this barren lands. heart of heroes were challenged. courage and honor were tested to their limits. there is no turning back. no retreat no surrender as they say. to make this short, i donated blood.... toinks....

do you have piercings?

tattoos?

do you know that aids can be transferred by blood?

have you recieved payments for sex?

these questions have to be answered by a 'yes' or a 'no': no buts, no ifs, no anything else. answers were made but the mind was still confused. what the hell am i doing here? am i really doing this? is this the real life, or is this just fantasy? --(bohemian) people were around me, making sure im not going anywhere. dont i have the choice here to leave?

they got my weight (damn i gained lots of pounds, i sure need lots of workout). they got my blood pressure, and heart rate (i think that was it). they need to get a blood sample first so my arms were then tied with rubber (and they're tight) and then they searched for the point where they will stick the needle in. MR A then stuck the needle in and surprise surprise, target out of bounds... shocks.... air hit.... didn't even touch the ring... stupid.... he got the needle and let it swim in my flesh trying to hit the spot but this really hurts... he then got another needle and proceeded to find another area in my body where he can get blood samples. what a pity.... was he not trained to do this properly?

after 4 hours of waiting for the result, we came back to the bloodbank and waited some more. and the result, yes i'm clean... i have no known disease transmutable by blood... i have no tb, hepa, aids, malaria, etc... im very glad about this... but my gosh, this means that i can donate blood... oh my.... it also happened that my blood is compatible with that of the patient's.... sweat started show. with every tick of the clock waiting for that fateful moment, my heart pounded more and more...

and yes that moment came. i was asked to sit and rest on the couch (how could i rest when i know that a needle will be piercing my body?). and then the needle came... this needle is way bigger than ordinary injection needles. it's the size of a lollipop stick and yes, it has a bigger whole... i have no idea how it will pierce me but my god, it is big... i just smiled in there, hopefully gaining more strength as my mouth muscles begin to tire...

and the moment came... i told the practitioner to please be good at hitting targets... there will be no more second chances in here... if she misses the vein, i will definitely not push through with this. i even told her of the incident that morning on MR A. and she was accomodating. she smiled and noted what i said. she wrote on a paper my complaint on MR A. wow... at least my voice was heard...

the needle was pushed and i closed my eyes thinking of how painful this might be... as i waited for the pain, the practitioner backed out. to my surprise, the needle is in place. what?!... how can that be?!?.... no sharp pain???

watching your blood travel down the tube is a wierd feeling. its even wierder seeing that bag fill up with blood. ewww... and i was doing this "close open", "twinkle twinkle little star" action while doing so... i was glad that my friend supported me by the door... she mimicked that action with me... i laughed and smiled the whole time... i sang the music on the radio with my heart...(char)... "making love out of nothing at all..." i chatted with the practitioner as to what diseases were screened with my blood sample... i did the "close open" action with gusto. and then it was over... one bag is finally full...

and then i was drained... yeah drained.... my right arm and shoulders were heavy... its as if i lost energy in there... i was just glad its over... that blood will help save the life of a mother...

all that's left of it now is the scar-- the big scar of the big needle... thinking of this now, makes me smile.... and grin.... and laugh....


ps: comments were exagerated of course but the happeneings were real.

39----3-in-one

feb 16, 7:30night 'til midnight


meeting old folks is really fun to have...


met up with fellow mathematicians at ayala center cebu. talking of stuffs past and present... talking of plans now and onwards... getting connected to the world outside of work is always a pleasure of mine. simple conversations, getting updated with each other really matters a lot... reached home at 12+ midnight feeling refreshed... never thought to see light while still in the tunnel... i forgot that there is electricity even inside the tunnel..... slept with a very happy feeling.




feb 17, 8:30 - 12:00 morning


phil-it gce failure....


swu was a first time for me... never been there so i was surprised by what the school offered. but i was more surprised by the exam.i have never seen an exam by an organization/institution held with so many flaws...


a) the test started at near 10 am which pissed me a lot because i only slept 6 hours.


b) our entire exam group transferred a room on the second floor because many of us can't log in to their online exam. hello........ they knew that this will be online, so didn't they check the internet connection in the first place.


c) it takes more time to save answers and transfer to other page of the exam than answering the page itself. it is such a waste of time to transfer to the next set of questions. but it took more time to even save the answers. hello again... this is a timed exam so this issue should never happen...


d) when i was going to my 7th out of 10 pages their system broke.... all of us can't open our page... we waited till 12 before they announced of the neccessary action plan... what a waste... we took more time talking than answering the test... we never got to finish it even...


e) last but definitely not the least, there will be a retake.... oh God........ isnt this enough burden? rescheduled to another day....


is this an exam? are you even serious? this is about it so why aren't they testing their softwares?




feb 17, afternoon


a film to watch


"a dirty carnival" was such a heavy drama but i enjoyed it.... its a korean movie on the joys, pain, success and betrayal of a gangster... such a complex story... action packed but heart piercing, its a joy watching a narrative like this... hope i will not be betrayed by people i call friends... hope i will not experience the pains he felt....


you should try watching this movie... i recommend it... although it was predictable but because you will grow to love the character, you will constantly wish your prediction is wrong...... best movie ive seen so far...

38 <~~ onward to greater things

why should i be someone else when I'm happy being me?

why should i be like them when i know I'm not?

why should i change when i know its not for the better?

why should i worry too much when I'm happy with my life?

why am i asking these things?


anyway, I'm happy with my current state but i feel i could still do more. i feel that i could have done more. and this is because i have set limitations to what i can do. i should not have done those. if only given the chance to fly, i will surely spread my wings and soar the skies. but this current state seems to have problems-- the skies are dark. who wants to fly in dark skies?

explore the wonders of this world before these wings of mine collapse.










ps. after grueling days of waiting for the result in jlpt (japanese language profficiency test), after seeing the joys on the faces of my friends who have passed, i finally got my result... yehey i passed level 4. hurrah... onward to level 3...

how far will you go? (thirty seven)

i recently watched a movie via youtube and bang it was really nice...

it was a love story but a different one. i just can't believe that they can go that far for love. even religion prevented their love but love conquered it all. one was a freeloader, no worries for the future. sex with different partners every night but then realized the shallowness of it all. the other was bound with religion. was a devoted one but loved a person deemed wrong by their congregation. they were forcefully separated but in the end they found each other.

here is a line from the movie during the lonely parts:
"tuesday 3 am, once again I'm wide awake waiting for time to mend this part of me that keeps breaking."
this is really touching but by this same line, they met again.

i just hope this kind of love, willing to change and willing to sacrifice, still exists in the world.

i really hope it still does....

36) aishiteiru to itte kure -- say that you love me

i always have this fantasy of me meeting the one I'm destined to be with. and when our eyes meet, the world around will seem to
stop  as if nothing else matters. i have always waited for this moment and is still waiting. i guess I've watched too many damn romantic movies to think this way. but you cant blame a virgin for that...

I've never been in love. i hope i too can experience that feeling. i still believe that love exists no matter how cold i may be to others-- no matter how childish i act. i know that when i finally meet the one nothing else will matter most except God of course.

i know this is still far from happening. i still have too many issues to solve. i just hope this will happen. i don't care where or when, i just hope it will.

and when we finally meet, we will discover the world together... see the world together... face issues that might come together... whoever you are, I'm just here waiting for our roads to cross...






------------all because of another damn romantic movie i recently saw in youtube----------

missing the old days (san juu go)

searched for something from your blog but



i guess you never mentioned it...


longing that you feel the same joy i felt when we met again...


though we never talked that day,


and this awkward feeling was in the air,


i was happy to see you again.......


i never expected it to be the same way as before, but............


i only wished we could have talked some more........


i just hope youre happy to see me as well........


this happened years ago, but i only wrote it now


now that i have stumbled upon your name once again in YM...


but I'm happy with my life now-- with my set of friends...


hope you're happy as well.............






jaa ne!

the stupid reason of the stubborn man (trenta y quatro)

i now know the reason of the commotion yesterday. the friends of the stubborn man told my friend. and i was so shocked with the shallowness.

the stubborn attacker thought that i was teasing him. he heard me say "tito tita tito tita" which i never did. i was murmuring "koibito koibito" the whole time in that class. koibito is a Japanese word for lover. he heard me wrongly. the "lover" became the cause of the commotion.

i told him by message about this. he was too stubborn to admit his mistake. he has too much pride to even ask for forgiveness. he even gave me a threat instead that i should do it again if i want to get hurt. well, if ever i get hurt, all my close friends already know the guy to jail. if ever i get hurt, expect this to reach higher authorities.

if he was logical, he should have analyzed that teasing him is such a waste of time for me. why would a mere acquaintance tease him? be logical dude. and please admit mistakes next time. doing such would definitely gain you more honor.

PS: tomorrow, we will meet again in the same class. hope nothing happens.

encounter with the unexpected (trenta y tres)

its started with a training. i was being myself because i was with friends. i was having conversations with friends, people who i feel comfortable with. i was the usual me who smiles and laughs and joke around. everything went well especially when i knew that snacks was to be in mcdo.

when i went out, this mister tall guy approached and bumped me. i thought it was not intentional at first. but he kept on pushing me then he talked something to me. i now started wondering what it was i did. i have no clue as to what he was saying. we was furious ready to have a brawl. i was looking up at his face trying to figure out what he was saying and what i got was something like: "what do you want?", "you started it.", "we don't know each other so why bother me.". he said this over and over while i was asking him what it was i did. but he would not listen. i was left clueless walking inside the room.

i have never encountered such a situation before. wait.. i did encounter something like it but at least it was with a friend. it was a first with someone i only knew by face and by name, but have no clue as to what his personality is. and so now i am thinking as to what it could have been.

did i say something which offended him? and why would i do that in the first place if i barely knew the guy? did i hurt his pride one way or another? as much as i can remember, i was watching a movie late in the afternoon, went to mcdo with a friend at 5:45, returned to the office and entered the room, waited and attended class in there. of course he was there as well but we never talked. i was talking with others. i don't even know if he was chatting as well. i was smiling and happy during the class. i never expected this to happen.

I'm just thankful that i have friends who comforted me. i guess this is a sign that we really cant please everybody. i guess this is a sign that i should be more attentive to the people around me. i think its a sign for me to stand up and defend myself for once. somethings just don't go as expected so we better prepare for them.

i just hate the feeling that i am picked at and i don't even know what my fault is.

the friends... (trenta y dos)

while the asean summit was scheduled and road blockages were here and there, we said "hey, why don't we get together?". wow! what a shock... nice timing...

the fateful day, Saturday the 13th--just a day after the summit opening. the fateful time, 6:30--just on time with the road blockages. the fateful place, AA banilad-- convenient for a friend and i but not to 5 others.

i fetched my friend Claudine and headed to the venue together on taxi. we arrived on time and to our surprise no one was there. after growing roots on our seats we were informed that they are still in Ayala with nowhere else to go. traffic was jammed. a change of venue was finally decided (AA USP).

Claudine and i left the area and headed for foodland or country mall and ride taxi from there. to our surprise again, traffic was jammed there too. we waited for an unoccupied cab and nothing came. cabs have vacant signs on but were occupied. wow. how would we know which to stop. whew...

we walked to country mall with hopes of finding more cabs there. shocks, we only found more passengers waiting for cabs. to our desperation, we even planned to hitch a ride to USP. we waited for some more. walked some more. waited again. changed waiting area. still nothing. a suggestion came. why don't we ride motorcycles for hire (habal-habal)? tonk...

the dilemma was between staying there waiting for an empty cab, or ride a motorcycle on which we only knew the destination but with no idea as to which roads it will take. the latter won. and so we did; convinced that it was the only way to move away from this damned place.

the air was cold, freezing. wind was at my face. my wet hair dried, and flew all over. my phone rang. oh OH... who's on the other line can surely wait. wahihihihi. the ride of our lives (exaggerated) took minutes and 40 bucks. one good thing happened with it though, my hair became perfectly done, wind blown. wahihihihi....

we ate as if there's no tomorrow, talked of past and present experiences, drank a little, stayed for a long time there, rebuilt friendships, made bonds stronger. and the rest is history.

to be continued...

trenta i uno =)

hoy kamo ha, basin nagtuo sad mo na wala na gyud ko ganahi sa akong life ha.
hey you out there, im not bored with my life.


it does not mean that what i wrote is always what i feel. but we all know that depressions do come. it is inevitable. everybody experiences it...


i may write these things today, but it doesn't mean it is always like that... these things i write are just those emotions that go overboard. these things i write are just those that are beyond the usual feelings i feel. wahihihihihihihi....


it feels good to write again. wahihihihihihihi....


(mura man hinuon ni ug disclaimer...)
happy year ahead...

resolutions (trenta...)

i got the time to look at the photos of my friends back in college. i found through friendster where they are at currently, what they are doing and etc. as i  browsed through them, there is this certain feeling that came over me. it was like jealousy but in a deeper sense. i don't know but i really felt lonely while looking at their photos, of the joys on their faces. they are now in manila training for some computer company. the photos were of them having fun in this amusement park. it really was fun. they were toured around the city.


and then i thought of me. what do i have to boast? i don't even know my personality anymore. i don't even know what i aspire, don't know what i really want in life. i don't know whether this job i currently have will benefit me in the latter years or months. i thought of doing things i don't even know i can do. i thought of having things i don't even know i can have. i thought of being friends with many people but i just don't know how.


i am a homebody who enjoys simple conversations rather than having night outs. i am a person trapped in the so many norms established by society. i just want to escape from all of them but I'm scared. i have so many qualms in life i don't even know where to start if i tell all of them. I've got so many burdens that i carry. i don't really know how to get rid of them. i just wonder because i feel like this always when i have nothing to do or have something to do but don't know how to do it. all the realities in my life start to flood out. i guess i want to do more, want to achieve more, want to feel life more, want to breathe more. I'm an insatiable being always thirsty for more.


and as i reevaluate my life, i always think positive. i know i can do them all. i know that someday i will be free-- free from all these burdens. i know that someday, i will be able to fly to some other place. i definitely want to travel and i will do it someday. i want to explore and i know i can. i will someday be able to live life to its fullest and i still have so many years to do them all. i want to grow in knowledge and in experience. i want to have no worries, nothing to bother me. i will try to be happy in the life that i will choose to live and i hope people will be as well.


and if  i cant do them all at least i will try them all. as my motto says:

"if you cant be the sun, be a star"




sure that is something i can be proud of...